Divorce doesn't Have To Be Vicious

There are people who are inexperienced with divorce and make the mistake of thinking its the time to let all the dirty laundry in their marriage hang out. They pay a sizable retainer and then they proceed to call their attorney night and day to divulge every single horrible thing their wife or husband did during the marriage that caused the marriage to dissolve. This is particularly true when adultery is alleged.
Adultery is a multi-edged sword and it leaves a deep wound in most people who go through it–including the adulterer. When a divorce proceeding is pending it is natural that the parties are on edge. They are emotional, angry, hurt and sad. They want to lash out, mostly at the other spouse. And it’s often hard to figure out who the wronged spouse is. Both parties feel so hurt, so angry.
But there are things the lawyer should know and there are things the shrink should know. Sometimes never the twain shall meet. Because your lawyer’s hourly fee is likely to be a lot higher than your shrink’s. And when you’re going through divorce and you want to make sure you hang on to the things that matter–the kids and the real estate–you tend to think that the more time you spend telling your lawyer what a cad your spouse was, the more you black ball your spouse, the more likely it is that you will get what you want.
I have news for you. Except in very rare exceptions these days, the Courts do not factor fault in the division of property during a marriage. The courts don’t care who slept with who. What they care about is what is the economic value of this marriage? And what do we do with the kids? So a divorce is the worse place to waste time being vicious to one another. The only thing you will end up doing is make your lawyer rich and antagonize the judge who’s heard it all and seen it all and is likely not interested in the courtroom machinations of a wronged spouse who wants to convince the judge that their spouse is the Devil. No, for that, you go to your shrink. Believe me, it’s a lot cheaper. By far.