Q&A: My spouse recently told me he's gay. He's living large with his lover. What are my options as far as a divorce?

This one takes a page out of the McGreevey divorce book. As you know, when Jim McGreevey and his wife Dana were in the midst of a bitter divorce battle, Dana, former first lady of New Jersey wanted alimony and the former governor said he was bankrupt and made less than 50K per year and could provide her with alimony. But he was living large with his lover who happened to be a millionaire. What was the former first lady to do? Did she have any rights to the fortunes of her husband’s gay lover?
Well, there is no question that the McGreeveys enjoyed a high standard of living while they were married and living in the Governor’s mansion of New Jersey. The marital standard of living far exceeded 50K per annum and what that paltry sum would buy. In awarding alimony, the court does take the marital standard of living into account, the age of the parties, the employability of the parties, their health, the length of the marriage and other factors. But it is unclear whether the court would or can compel a former spouse to pay alimony using proceeds from the coffers of a lover, gay or otherwise. If McGreevey was married to the millionaire lover, certainly, the New York courts could impute income to his household in order to meet child support obligations. However, I have not heard of a case where the court imputed income to a former spouse’s lover in order to compel said former spouse to pay alimony.
After all, marriage lends a certain permanency to a relationship in a way that simply living together does not. If the court were to impute income to a spouse’s household based on the assets of a lover, and that lover subsequently leaves, what then? Sure, the spouse could go in and make a motion that due to a change of circumstances they are unable to continue to pay the alimony. But I don’t think this would be a workable ruling under most circumstances that are likely to come before the court.
As far as options, I would think that you could move to annul a marriage where the spouse later claims he is gay. That is clearly a concealment of material fact, and the marriage was void at the outset. But a divorce can probably be proven on other grounds such as ABANDONMENT and cruel and inhuman treatment or even adultery depending on the facts of your case…..or plain old no fault, actually.
Updated March 2017