Boy, how wrong every body was when they said “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” It should be “hell hath no fury like a woman who works hard to bring home at least 1/2 the bacon if not more, only to have the court tell her she has to give a big portion of it to her husband.” OMG!
Let me tell you something. I truly believe there is something in women, wired deep in most of us, that expects our husbands (or men) to take care of us and support us, and to be the man, and to bring home the bacon, and to give us all they have, yet allow us to keep all we have. It’s the classic: “What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine.”
I see all the time during my practice. And I understand it implicitly, because while I realize this is not necessarily fair, I still am wired to believe the man should provide, and that on top of that, he should be ashamed of himself to expect his wife to provide for his financial wellbeing. I mean, sometimes, I am affronted on behalf of my client when a husband sits back on his laurels and has his attorney “milk” my client of, say, every last “equitable” dime of her pension money. Sometimes, I look at the husband and his attorney (especially if counsel is a man), and between you and me, I get slightly perturbed, in a nauseous kind of way. (I think I just lost all male clients for ever more. What do you think? Oh God, lemme try to fix it…)
Okay: I am wired all wrong. I know this. I am indocrinated. It’s cultural. I was taught subliminally to be this way, to think that a “real man” would not be caught dead with his hand out milking his wife of her pension or cash. But this is wrong. It is totally and completely wrong. Marriage is a partnership. It is an economic, familial, sexual, legal comingling. And everything counts. And it is wrong of us women, (those of us who still have these lingering prejudices, it’s not all of us) to lose respect for him because of this. It is certainly wrong of me as the attorney not to chastise my client for feeling this way.
My client does not usually have to even say this is how she feels. I see it in her eye balls as she looks at her former love. She is utterly disgusted and sees him as a weak, soft, loser, and it shows, and it is wrong.
Women have fought for equality in this country, in this world. This is one of the consequences of that. When you get divorced, who ever the spouse is that has the most assets, that spouse has to share with the other. That spouse has to give the other the equitable share. Gender has nothing to do with it.
It is reverse sexism, for some of us women (we know who we are!) to judge a man just because he asks for his fair share during a divorce.
Besides, it’s our fault for marrying the poor guy. Next time, marry Trump!