Divorce Information you might find interesting:
People seem to have all sorts of different ideas about marriage and divorce. But some of these ideas are really misconceptions and have no bearing on reality. Here are five myths about divorce that we have uncovered:
Myth # 1: Living together before marriage increases the odds that the marriage will end in divorce.We have found no convincing statistic that this is so. In fact, notwithstanding our strong Catholic/non-secular upbringing, we are starting to think we recommend a six month pre-cohabitation as a prerequisite for marriage. It should be seen as a sort of tester marriage, to see if you two get along before actually making it official and locking yourself into an institution from which it can be utter hell to extricate yourself. I mean, what if he (or she) is an absolute slob who leaves an unholy mess in the kitchen after each visit? Can you withstand the stress of having to clean up after this person for the rest of your life? What about somebody who snores like, for lack of a better word, a hog? Is this healthy for your REM sleep for the rest of your life? Besides, living together uncovers a lot of character traits you wouldn’t necessarily discover just by dating. How does the person fight, for example? Are they prone to long stretches of silence and withdrawal after a disagreement? Do they fling china against the walls? We think that by finding out the answers to these and other questions prior to marriage, that it may actually result in less people marrying the wrong person, and therefore a marked drop in the divorce rates. Of course, if your religion proscribes pre-marital you-know-what, it can be difficult to honor these traditions when you are living together 24/7. But, you know what? Just abstain. What’s the big whoop?
Myth # 2: Women are more likely to seek to end the marriage than men we think this is a misleading statistic and we understand why it may appear that men are less likely to be the plaintiffs in divorce actions; that is because people don’t understand “menspeak.” You see, menspeak is very different from womenspeak. Here’s the difference: A woman wants a divorce. She proceeds to do her research, talk to her online friends on FirstWivesWorld.com, contact a lawyer to discuss her rights, investigate her husband and his finances (by hiring a private investigator and accountant) then tells her husband, “I want a divorce” depending on what she finds out. A man is very different. He wants a divorce but he is not going to go to his wife and say “I want a divorce.” He speaks with his actions. He starts to act indifferently towards her, he starts to stay out late from the marital home, he starts to cheat on her, he starts to abuse her emotionally or physically, he starts to drink or do drugs, he starts to dissipate the marital assets. Things like that. He starts to do these things in such a persistent way that the wife, feeling like she is left with no choice, and realizing her marriage is on the rocks starts to do her research, talk to her online friends on FirstWivesWorld.com, contact a lawyer to discuss her rights, investigate her husband and his finances (by hiring a private investigator and accountant) then tells her husband, “I want a divorce” depending on what she finds out. So, while she is the one who first utters the words “I want a divorce” it is actually her husband who first asked for the divorce by his actions. When a husband leaves his wife no choice but to ask for a divorce, he has already checked out of the marriage and is only being a gentleman by allowing her to save face by filing. People need to understand that speech can be non-verbal and that menspeak is largely nonverbal. Yet, nonverbal speech can speak a lot louder than verbal speech. Menspeak is louder than womenspeak. Actions speak louder than words.
Myth # 3: That there is such a thing as “irreconcilable differences.” Any difference can be reconciled. It is a question of negotiation, compromise and sacrifice, yes. But it is doable if both parties want it to work. Bottom line. Think of marriage as a business transaction, which, in a very real sense, it is. Marriage is a contractual agreement. It is financial, emotional, and many other things. Now, here it is you have this business partner. You have a disagreement about the business. It is a very good business otherwise, makes a lot of money for the two of you, and for one reason or another, having this business is better than not having this business. Are you trying to tell me that you’d let this business dissolve over a difference of opinion rather than work together to come up with a compromise that both business partners can live with? Most people would find a way to reconcile a difference with a business partner to save an otherwise good business. I think marriage is the same in this regard. Differences can be reconciled but both parties have to be willing to compromise.
Myth # 4: Having children to “cement” the relationship can save a shaky marriage We think this is a huge myth because many marriages without children survive and many marriages with children crumble. Kids can’t save a marriage. They can potentially prolong a marriage, but ultimately, if the marriage is fatally flawed, then it is fatally flawed and the fact of physically living together under the same roof for the sake of the kids does not turn cohabitation into a marriage. Marriage is a partnership between two people – the husband and the wife. Nobody else. Not even the kids, are parties to this contract. The only thing that really drives a marriage and keeps it in tact is the will of the parties to preserve that marital contract for its own sake.
Myth #5: Getting married in a church (or other religious institution) will somehow reduce the chances of divorce We are all for church marriages just like we are for marriages that take place in other venues. But we don’t think that the place where a couple gets married will determine the longevity of a marriage. We do believe that the most successful marriages have a strong spiritual basis. Whatever you choose to call it, God, the Force, Allah, Jehovah, Whatever you call “God.” We believe in prayer as being a powerful force that can preserve and save a marriage. But spirituality goes beyond a building. It is what is in the heart, in the intentions that counts, not where you sit and say the prayers. Certainly, if a priest or cleric officiates the marriage in the fanciest cathedral, Temple or what have you, of the most renowned city in the world, that marriage is equally capable of imploding as one that occurs on a remote beach in Hawaii. As well as, it is equally capable of lasting if both parties share a common “spirituality.” Although, that doesn’t exactly explain Guy and Madonna both of whom were into Kabballah (their chosen form of spirituality). So, obviously, a successful marriage takes more than just a shared spirituality, but it helps if there is commonality here, and it doesn’t have to come from a “church.” Cause, you know what? A lot of evil things and people can be found in “religious institutions” just as a lot of good can be found as well. But the same is true of any place. It is not where you are physically. It is who you are in your heart, what you do and believe that will keep your marriage strong and give it longevity, and protect you from divorce.
Divorce Information you might find interesting: