Divorce Saloon is a blog, written by a New York Divorce attorney (that would be moi) that is definitely skewed towards women.
But I’ve begun to wonder if maybe I’ve been inadvertently insensitive to dads and husbands in my quest to be a member of the “sisterhood of the traveling divorcees?” I mean, after all, men are human too. They are heartbreakers by and large, and a lot of them make a career of doing a lot of stoopid stuff that is totally incomprehensible to me. But you know what? They are our dads, brothers, lovers, friends, and the fathers of our children. And they do have feelings. Yes, I know. Big newsflash. But I personally just, I just wanted to take a time out and say that I recognize this. I know this. And just because I’m a quasi feminist doesn’t mean that I don’t care about their feelings, or that I think they don’t have feelings.
Tonight I came across this website called Dadi.org and they had this one article called the Disenfranchised Father Syndrome by Gerald L. Rowles, Ph.D which was written in 2002, and I came away from reading that article feeling slightly sick about how almost blase I generally am about the male perspective in a divorce. I’m just like, omg.
I mean, I’ve had male clients and I see the pain they go through during this process. Yet, there is a side of my brain that thinks that their pain cannot be as deep as us women, that they are not capable of feeling such deep emotions as we, and, as such, they could not possibly feel the loss of marriage and family that a woman would feel if the marriage dissolves.
But this article really made me start to rethink that. I mean, the author almost makes it sound like these men were at war, and that they have some sort of post-traumatic stress syndrome after a divorce. The author talks about how some men feel as though their former wives sabotage them, and how stressed out they feel when they can’t get to visit with their children (because of the shenanigans of the ex-wife) and how helpless they feel when the marriage ends. It was really bad, really dramatic. It really made me pause and, and just think about it for a moment, you know?
The article discusses the pain some men feel when they are wrongfully accused of abuse by a spouse. And it talks about the bias they feel in the courts. (There is a general sense that the courts are biased in favor of women.)
Ugh. It made me hold my face in my hands really. It made me shake my head in despair.
There just are no winners in this situation, is there? Not the kids, not the wives, not the husbands. It’s just very sad all around. Divorce is a sad thing all around. Check out the article here: http://www.dadi.org/dfs.htm