Divorce News and information:
News out of the UK a few days back is that a man by the name of Edward Richardson killed his wife Sarah Richardson (multiple stab wounds) on account of the fact that she had a Facebook account and she listed herself as “single.”
The victim had been estranged from and living apart from her husband – but they were not legally divorced. He, apparently in a jealous rage, took umbrage that she listed herself as “single” rather than married. He went to her home and he murdered her for that. He is now sentenced to 18 years to life in prison for his troubles. This is obviously an example of off the charts domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a problem here in the U.S. as well, not just on the other side of the pond. What can a person do about this problem? We have written a host of posts on the subject of domestic violence which you can find by clicking this link: http://www.divorcesaloon.com/index.php?s=violence. I am hardly an expert on this matter. So I don’t really know. But I have my opinions which I would like to share.
It is my opinion that when a man hits a woman the first time, it is one time too many and she should leave. And get far away as possible. Don’t move down the street. Make if very very difficult for him to find you and to get to you. If possible, change states, change countries.
But in some situations, I don’t think a woman should even wait to get hit. There are warning signs well before a man slaps you to the floor. I remember years back I was dating this guy who had a very short fuse. Now, I am not exactly long fused myself. But I can’t do to him what he could do to me. You know what I’m saying? Plus, there is short fuse, and then, there is short fuse. His was just ridiculous. I mean, it was stoopid. I observed this person over a period of weeks calmly. And I said to myself, you know what? You’re only dating this man a few weeks and his temper is this bad? What happens when you settle into a relationship and he’s no longer trying to impress you? I mean, I could feel the violence in this man. He didn’t have to hit me he emanated physically. It was like, he was the only man (well, the second man) in my life that I was afraid to voice my opinion, and to be myself for fear that I was going to get hit. And anyone who knows me knows that I need to be able to speak my mind. I need to pontificate. I need to be able to tell you exactly what I think about you, dammit, and sometimes I don’t say it all that prettily. So, I can’t have a man who is going to shut me up by punching me. This is not a workable scenario for this broad. And, so, while he was interesting in other ways, I knew there was no way I could sustain that relationship. I wasn’t about to wreck my own life by going any further with this creep. I ended the relationship stat.
Why did I share this? Because I think that many of us women often see the signs long before the relationship gets so serious that we marry a domestic abuser. But we close our eyes. We have unrealistic expectations that the man will change. We are afraid to be alone, to be independent. Better him than nobody. That is how some of us think. So we marry someone who we know in our hearts is not the right person to marry. And next thing you know…
Now, yes, there are Jekyll and Hydes who are so nice when you are dating and then they turn, and you get married and you had no idea what you got yourself into. I know this, and these situations are another can of worms.
But all I am trying to say is that some women need to be more observant prior to marriage or even a long term relationship. People (men) tell you who they are in about 4 weeks. They really do. For example, you are dating this wonderful man who becomes an incredible mean drunk everytime you go out for dinner. Romantic dinners turn into nightmares because after he’s had 2-3 drinks, he morphs into a monster. Are you going to marry this person or go further in the relationship? Unfortunately some women do. And that is a big mistake. Cause there is no such thing as a “mean drunk.” There is someone who shows you who they are after drinking. Pay attention! Because mean drunks use alcohol as an excuse to beat the crap out of you – or even kill you.
You don’t even need to go as far as alcohol. Observe facial expressions in general. You are dating this incredibly handsome hunk. But every now and then, when he doesn’t realize it, you catch him and he had a really mean, or cruel look on his face. You can scarcely believe such a handsome man’s face can look so mean. And it happens in a flash, quickly, a very short interval. Blink, and you may even miss it. But sometimes you catch it and when you ask him what’s the matter, he tells you nothing, and his face resorts to its handsomeness. As if the whole thing was a figment of your imagination. Are you going to ignore this? Too many women do. And then they marry a nut job who chops them into pieces a few years later. Pay attention!
A man who is jealous and distrustful for no reason, is a problem. If you are with someone and you are otherwise respectful of him, you’re not checking out other men in his presence or are overly flirtatious, you’ve never given him any reason to distrust you, you’ve never cheated on him (nor would even think of it!) you are living a wholesome life – yet he is accusing you of infidelity for no reason under the sun except his jealousy and distrust? Do not marry this person. So long as within that relationship you have never given him pause (whatever has transpired prior to that relationship with him) and he is acting all jealous and possessive and distrustful? Red flag. This jealousy and possessiveness will only escalate during marriage and you’re risking your life. Now, if you are engaging in provocative behavior to make him jealous? Do so at your own risk cause I don’t think that is ever appropriate. I don’t believe in these “make-him-jealous”-games. They create distrust and wrecks your relationship over the long haul. (And that is true if he’s doing the gaming, by the way. Jealous women can snap too.)
I guess the takeaway is that one of the ways to combat domestic violence, in my opinion, is to stop it before it even starts. Observe people’s behavior in those first few weeks of dating. If there is any doubt about their personalities and character, end the relationship. Definitely don’t shack up or god forbid, marry this person. Pay attention to early cues. A man tells you who he is in four weeks. I’m serious. Just sit back and observe him for four short weeks. You’ll know everything you need to know based on what he says, what he doesn’t say, what he does and what he fails to do. Trust me.
If you have a Jeckyll and Hyde, the first time you are hit unexpectedly, get the hell out of that relationship, stat. I mean, immediately. Get help. Call the police. Do. Not. Be. Talked. Into. Going.Back. Even if you are married with kids. Get out and far away from this person – if possible, put oceans between you. Cause an abuser is always gonna be an abuser. And some of them are crazy. They track you down.
Now, about Facebook and social networking sites: I don’t even know what to say here. More and more these sites are cropping up in divorce cases. I did a few related posts. Check them out here: http://www.divorcesaloon.com/index.php?s=facebook
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