How to survive divorce: Madonna & Jesus shows you why they are a match made in heaven

So, you thought Madonna, 50 was “losing a husband” now that Guy, 40, has dumped her?  Think again, darling. Home girl broke out her new boyfriend named Jesus and had him parading all over Manhattan yesterday. Yes, you got that right. JESUS. Jesus and Madonna this is too much to be digested all at once, so let it sit a while. Madonna, my dear, is dating a 22 year old Brazilian named Jesus!
The woman is the biggest Diva since Mary Magdalene. Read our other diva posts here:
I have to stop for a second though, and breathe out. Cause, I have to say, this is a bit much for me and I’m pretty indefatigable. But when you are 50 and your boyfriend is 22…I mean, men do it all the time. They hook up with inappropriate mates; well, age inappropriate mates. Look at Bruce Wasserstein. I just posted on him today. He’s got a twenty-something new bride and he’s friggin 60 and my heart was not racing when I read it. It was business as usual and he does not even look as good as Madonna. I mean, look at Madonna. She’s way older than me and she looks so much better than me. I look old next to her. But yet, I was like, omg. Jesus is only 22 Madonna. This is a crucifixion. But look at Mr. Wasserstein with all due respect? And I thought nothing of him wedding that twenty-something Asian princess.
Boy. But, so, with all due respect to our Lord Jesus Christ and Savior, please forgive me in advance, but I have to say that Jesus Luz, Madonna’s boyfriend? He’s tres hot. He’s got “hips of Christ.” And you know what? I am sure he enjoys being crucified by Madonna. For him, it must be a religious experience…. 
You know what? This is sacrilege. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. That’s it. I’m done. But yea. He’s cute.

Click here for news on Madonna’s BFF Gwyneth Paltrow, whose marriage is rumored to be on the rocks: