Oprah Winfrey interviews Elizabeth Edwards; Question: was John Edwards a married predator who preyed on single women? Or was the “other woman” to blame for John’s adulterous acts?

I said on this blog countless times that a man is not responsible, ever, for his sexual indiscretions. It is always the fault of a woman, to wit: his mother, his wife, or his mistress. Check out all things adultery here: http://www.divorcesaloon.com/index.php?s=adultery
The latest case of the delusional wife who refuses to call a spade a spade occurred this afternoon when I caught about 2 minutes of Elizabeth’s Edward’s interview with Oprah Winfrey. I sat there shaking my head the whole time because I don’t understand why wives think that another person she does not know except in so far as the fact that the other person is a person of the same gender, owes her any duty of loyalty and care.
I mean, I am sympathetic to Elizabeth’s health issues and all, but why are women suddenly a part of this “sisterhood” the minute their husbands commit adultery? Why do they expect the “other woman” to give a damn about them when she doesn’t even know them? I mean, I have had so many clients singing the same tune and I always tell them, quite frankly, I am not buying this. You are putting the blame and responsibility on the wrong person. You need to hold your husband fully 100% accountable.
The only person the wife often knows in this scenario (except in the case of the best friend) is her husband. The only person who took vows and made promises to her is her husband. And on top of that, in the vast majority of adultery cases involving husbands and other women, it is the husband who is the aggressor and who pursues the other woman, oft times, relentlessly. Often the other woman is younger,  single and maybe a little bit lonely and thus easy prey for this predator.
I am starting to think something is wrong with the way society continues to try to hold women responsible for the behavior of men/husbands. We make the argument that “we as women have to band together like sisters so that the husband won’t cheat.” I think that is totally retarded. And it is disingenuous. And it has not worked. Because most of the time, the wife does not know the other woman and wouldn’t even be “friends” with her if she did know her, never mind “sisters”. She only feels this sudden affinity and sisterhood with the other woman only to the extent that the wife chooses to use it as an insurance card to keep the other woman away from her husband. It is a totally self-serving sisterhood, thus, and a fake bond that I find totally disingenuous and somewhat retarded. 
Look, I said just this week in my “harem” post (http://www.divorcesaloon.com/when-your-husband-wants-you-to-be-a-part-of-his-harem-is-divorce-the-only-option) that men are not responsible for their sexual behavior. At least, that is the message I have gotten my whole life. And I do buy into it, like everybody else, to an extent.  But when I said it a few days back, in a way I was playing devil’s advocate. Because on some level I think it is hogwash and I think it is a cop out and I think its stoopid cause it is intuitively clear to me that MEN MUST BE HELD RESPONSIBLE for their sexual conduct just like women or else the problem of infidelity will never be solved.
In short, if a married man cheats on his wife, he is solely responsible for his choices. Likewise if a married woman cheats on her husband, she is solely responsible for her choices and should not hold anybody else blameworthy. Nobody else is in privity with that contractual relationship. Just the two of these married people and they owe each other a duty of loyalty, care and fidelity.
Society has tried it the other way around since the beginning of time. Literally since Eve. Eve supposedly tempted Adam and brought sin upon mankind by seducing him. Yea right. I know it couldn’t have happened that way. It couldn’t have. Not from what I know of men. It just is not the nature of men to sit back and be seduced by a woman in this manner. Not a real man anyway. Maybe a wimp but not the men I know. Adam went to Eve ready to get it on. He was jacked up and ready to go. He probably was like, “hey pretty mama. Look what I’m packing,” in a really deep bass voice, you know? “Come on over here let me give you a piece of my luuvve. Let me share this bad boy with ya!” And poor Eve was probably like, “oh my god, what is that? What are you doing?” And the s.o.b. says something like, “Oh, you don’t know anything. But don’t worry. I will teach you everything you need to know, you sweet little thing.” But, of course, Eve took the wrap for the whole thing.
Ridiculous. Utterly, utterly ridiculous. And then they have the nerve to blame the other women when men do what they are programmed to do? Please folks. Since the beginning of time we have blamed women for men’s sexual behavior. Yet it did not stop their behavior. And why? Because there are no consequences for them. We, as women, have spoiled men, our husbands, sons, boyfriends, even our fathers. We have sent the message to them that there are no consequences to this “polygamous” hyper-sexed nature of theirs. It is the woman’s fault for being there, for being so sexy and so irresistible. It is part of what it means to be a man to hunt, and it is part of what it means to be a woman to say no.
But is it? 
Here’s what I think: Elizabeth Edwards like other women in her shoes need to blame JOHN (and their husbands) for his (their) indiscretions. John knew he had a wife. John is not a child. John is not feeble. John is not a prisoner who is acting according to someone else’s commands. John was not raped by this woman. John is the one who made the vows to Elizabeth. John is the one who has a marital contract with Elizabeth. Therefore it is he who is the bad actor. It is John who failed his wife and defiled his marriage. It is he who is the predator–a married predator who preyed on a single woman, had an affair with her, possibly had a child with her, and thought that he would get away with it. It is John Edwards who is the bad actor and he needs to be called on his crap.
And furthermore, when Elizabeth said, “I worked so hard to build this life and she shouldn’t expect to come in and take it. Build her own life,” I also took pause. Because I thought, wait a minute. There are many single women who have worked hard to build their single lives. They have worked hard to take responsibility for themselves, their joy and their work. They are independent. Free. They come home at the end of the day and they have peace. There is no-one hitting in their face, judging the fact that they bought a new outfit, bringing home ugly diseases from places unknown which they transmit to their unsuspecting spouses.
It takes hard work and focus to be a single woman too, to make the choices in life that result in a life that is peaceful and unencumbered. And that is exactly what many of these married predators see and want and interfere with. That carefreeness that is so hard to achieve; that clean, uncomplicated lifestyle; that newness and freshness that they see in many unattached women, her lack of encumbrances and “problems.”
It is exactly why these married predators interfere in this single woman’s life. The wife thinks the “other woman” is interfering with her “perfect life.” But it is her husband who is wrecking the lives of both women! But he is treacherous about it because when the dam breaks, he pits the two women in a pen together to fight each other and point fingers at each other and call each other names and blame each other for his wrong-doing and for his treachery. This ploy works every time. The focus is taken from the husband’s wrong and his failures and it is left for the women to duke it out and compete for him. I honestly think that more rather than less of them love this. They love it.  
More wives need to see that it is her husband who is defiling his vows to his her, not the other woman. And it is he who is wrecking the peace and routine and independence of this single woman who worked just as hard as the married woman did, to build a peaceful, independent life. How about that? Is the wife’s life that she worked hard to build more valued than the single woman’s life that she likewise worked hard to build? Is it of no consequence that these married predators plunder the carefully planned lives of unsuspecting single women with his predatory ways and create havoc in these women’s lives as well? Does it matter only that the wife’s life is “interfered with”? A woman is a woman is a woman. Married women should not be given more “value” than single women. We all work hard to be who we are and to have what we have.
Oh, and now that more men are cheating with other men, who are we going to blame now? Who is the bad actor in that scenario? And what about the increasing number of married women who are cheating on their husbands? Is the “other man” to blame?
http://www.divorcesaloon.com/divorce-and-politics-did-john-edwards-and-his-wife-elizabeth-have-an-open-marriage-that-blew-up
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