How long should you grieve your divorce?

With all the grieving going on in the world this week on account of the deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, and all those other angels whom I never had the privilege to meet or to know through their celebrity, I thought I’d write about “grieving” your divorce, since I had the post in draft for at least six weeks and counting. Yes, I know it is a morbid topic. So I will be brief.
Yes, I think people grieve divorces, just like they grieve the end of relationships. I know I have. I go into this period of sadness and a sense of loss. I look for reasons and explanations. I may blame myself, blame the other person, blame god. But ultimately, the thing with divorce, and with ending relationships in general is that it is a time of something ending; a death, pretty much. And it is a process. It takes time to heal, to feel good again, to laugh again, to renew, regenerate and begin that cycle of life, living, love once more.
At least with divorce you have a second chance to find love and to nurture love again in your life time, so long as you have life. So it may be a permanent death of the relationship, but it is not a death of your ability to love and to try again with someone new.
So how long should you grieve your divorce? I would say as long as necessary. It is such a personal thing. Some relationships take longer than others. Some individuals have a harder time letting go than others. I don’t necessarily think it is healthy to grieve it for the rest of your life. I mean, if you were with someone for 6 months, then a six month grieving process is enough. If you were with someone for 25 years, though, what are you going to do? Grieve for 25 years? I don’t think so.
But who knows? The human heart is what it is. I don’t think anyone can dictate how long anyone else should appropriately grieve the end of the death of a relationship – whether via divorce or some other means.
By New York Divorce Attorney www.mynewyorkdivorceattorney.com
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