With all the grieving going on in the world this week on account of the deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, and all those other angels whom I never had the privilege to meet or to know through their celebrity, I thought I’d write about “grieving” your divorce, since I had the post in draft for at least six weeks and counting. Yes, I know it is a morbid topic. So I will be brief.
Yes, I think people grieve divorces, just like they grieve the end of relationships. I know I have. I go into this period of sadness and a sense of loss. I look for reasons and explanations. I may blame myself, blame the other person, blame god. But ultimately, the thing with divorce, and with ending relationships in general is that it is a time of something ending; a death, pretty much. And it is a process. It takes time to heal, to feel good again, to laugh again, to renew, regenerate and begin that cycle of life, living, love once more.
At least with divorce you have a second chance to find love and to nurture love again in your life time, so long as you have life. So it may be a permanent death of the relationship, but it is not a death of your ability to love and to try again with someone new.
So how long should you grieve your divorce? I would say as long as necessary. It is such a personal thing. Some relationships take longer than others. Some individuals have a harder time letting go than others. I don’t necessarily think it is healthy to grieve it for the rest of your life. I mean, if you were with someone for 6 months, then a six month grieving process is enough. If you were with someone for 25 years, though, what are you going to do? Grieve for 25 years? I don’t think so.
But who knows? The human heart is what it is. I don’t think anyone can dictate how long anyone else should appropriately grieve the end of the death of a relationship – whether via divorce or some other means.
By New York Divorce Attorney www.mynewyorkdivorceattorney.com
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