NEW YORK: Karen Hader’s not to blame for Henry Silverman’s divorce

Starbuck’s siren and yoga instructor Karen Hader scored big when she snagged Henry Silverman, the Cendant Corp billionaire after the two reportedly met at a Starbucks near Columbus Circle in Manhattan and fell in love over lattes (how come I don’t meet eligible billionaires over lattes in Starbucks?).
But.  That doesn’t mean anyone should blame Karen Hader for the failure of Henry’s marriage to his longtime wife Nancy Silverman. I just read something on another divorce blog about that and it gave me the idea for this post.
I just don’t believe that any third party individual can come into a strong, healthy marriage (this one lasted 30 years) and just break it up like that. I really think that this divorce between Henry and Nancy, this breakdown in their marriage is due to their own failing as a couple and has nothing to do with anyone else.
It is always easy to blame others for the failure of a marriage. Some people even blame the divorce attorney who handles the case! I am always stunned by that when a litigant or even in conversation, when a lay person, says something like “it’s the attorneys who are to blame for this. They are who destroyed this couple.” I go, “what???? This couple had done a fine job of wrecking their own marriage all by themselves! They are strangers to these attorneys who have come into the fracas for the last few months of the debacle to try to figure out the money and the custody. How can you blame the attorney?”
But people actually blame the attorney. Or the other woman. Or anyone they can. They don’t want to take the blame for themselves. It takes two to keep a marriage strong and healthy. It takes two to allow a marriage to disintegrate or deteriorate to the point that divorce is the only option. Well, maybe that is naive and a little bit over-simplistic because maybe third parties can exacerbate a situation. But that means the situation was already diseased and so the third party did not cause the problem. They only didn’t help it heal – and frankly, that is not their duty.
Thus, Karen Hader is not to blame for Henry Silverman’s divorce.
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