Diary of Elin Nordegren Woods: The last 72 hours

Dear Diary:
You wouldn’t want to be me right now. But then again, maybe you would. I am living the best and the worse life you can possibly imagine. It’s been a heck of a 72 hours let’s leave it like that. All hell broke loose as you probably know by now and I just really….he really pissed me off. You know that? It was so bad that I lost it. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I was so hurt, so deranged with pain.
One of those bitches who I called and confronted actually came out and told everybody that she’s been f%$^ing my husband as I suspected. Can you believe that? I had gotten her number from his blackberry and I called the bitch and basically I confronted her and she denied it and pretended like she was stupid and now she comes out and says that he left her some message that I was going to call her! It makes me so angry. I am so angry.
Stupid sluts. Why doesn’t she get her own man and leave mine alone? He’s mine! He’s my husband. He married me. I am the one he wants. Why don’t they all get their own and stay away from what belongs to other people? She better not ever let me catch her near my husband. She better not. And all those others too.
All these parasites in the media are trying to get into our business. Our phone is ringing off the hook. As if. I hear that I got an extra $55 million. LOL. As if that is money. Please. That is just so stupid. As if I would hire a lawyer who would actually talk to these idiots in the press about the terms of my prenup with my husband. If I am going to “renegotiate” my prenup you better believe it’s going to be serious. $55 million is just a bonus. A starting point.
I don’t appreciate being made a fool of. That is what galls me more than anything. I love my husband but I don’t appreciate him making a fool of me in front of the whole world. I have been a dutiful wife and I expect some respect. I deserve some respect. I am not about to put up with disrespect from him with any woman. I don’t care if she is the first lady of Russia, or a countess or god forbid a fucking waitress or something. I’m not having it. Bottom line. I don’t cheat on him and I don’t expect he will cheat on me. Bottom line. I work hard on my family. I keep his secrets and am dutiful. I take care of his kids. I deserve better and when he brings home crap? well, you know what? He should’t be surprised if I get upset. Cause I don’t care if this is what he is going to do.
People think I beat him up. I didn’t. If I did, he would’nt be here. Trust me. I never laid an hand on him. He just thought I would and he ran like a crazy horse into his car and had an accident with the tree. Don’t blame me. I didn’t hit him. I was using the golf club to get him out of the car. He was running without his shoes for on reason. I don’t know why he was acting out of it. I don’t know. I am not the one who gave him a concussion. I am very upset and annoyed by people for saying I did. He knows I never laid a hand on him or our kids. I don’t believe in violence.
My kids are all that matters to me. I hope we make it and that our marriage lasts. But in the end, I love my kids and that is what matters.
 I have such a headache. But the only good thing is he is being very generous. He is really bending over backwards to make it up to me. I am secretly enjoying it. Very much. Wink, wink.

This is a fictional journal entry and is for entertainment purposes only and not intended to imply that it was written by Elin Woods.