The anti-Tinsley Mortimer chronicles: diary of a socialite divorcee

Dear Diary,
It’s been almost half a year since my divorce was finalized and I have gone from worse to ruin. First of all, my old “friends” are no longer treating me the way they used to when Butts and I were married. Could it be that my change of address alone has diminished my stature in society? How shallow of them to treat me with disdain just because I’ve moved to the Brooklyn. How shallow. I would never have done that to any of them. Hey my apartment is in the most expensive private condo in Brooklyn, okay. It is more expensive than anything any of those bitches could afford without a rich husband. I have views of two bridges from my living room. Two! And the New York City skyline. Plus my neighbors are all great, friendly and real. They are not fake like those other Upper East Side snobs.
I am so depressed. I can’t believe how hard it is to meet people. It’s not like I’m that old.¬† But guys are not asking me out as much as they used to before I got married. I know I look good. I’m in better shape than I was when I was married. Everything is tight. I do my botox, got my lips done. Next week I’m getting a butt lift. Just a little work to improve on my otherwise perfect physique. My hair is perfect. Jessica Simpson and I share the same hairdresser and he is totally awesome. I look fantastic! I’m singularly perfect! So what’s going on?! I’ve only had two dates in the last month. What is going on? Do I seem untouchable because of who I used to be married to?
Well, after my butt lift I’m heading to St. Tropez for a week with my mother and my sister. We are going to a few events and I think its safe to say that more than one European aristocrat (is that an oxymoron?) will be there. Don’t tell me I can’t bag one of them. I am looking for serious people. Old money. That’s why I can’t be overdone. I am not overdoing it am I? With the butt lift? Should I leave my butt alone? Or should I try to fill it out just a little bit?