DIVORCE SALOON’S LIST OF 10 MOST ELIGIBLE BILLIONAIRES
(This post dates back to 2010 AND thus could be inaccurate)
- Carlos Slim Mr. Slim, 70, is the richest of the richest billionaires according to Forbes and is number one on the Forbes List of Billionaires. He is worth about $53 billion dollars, darling, and getting richer by the day. Mr. Slim knocked Bill Gates who held top dog spot for years, to number 2, in 2010. Carlos is widowed and has been for many years. He has a large contingency of kids, though, about six and in order to work him over, you need to move to Mexico where he is a resident. These could be drawbacks depending on how you look at it…oh, wait. Carlos just bought a swanky dig on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan for $44 million dollars according to reports. So if you play your cards right, and you want to live in New York, I’m sure that can be arranged. All you have to do, is blow his mind and whatever you want I’m certain he will give you. Mr. Slim, btw, owns shares in Saks Fifth Avenue and the New York Times, according to Forbes.
Eike Batista: This billionaire divorcé is Brazilian and so you will need to move to Rio to be with him. Is this a problem? If so, keep looking….Eike, 53, is number 8 on the Forbes List of Billionaires and is worth an impressive $27 billion according to the publication. Mr. Batista has said his goal is to become the “richest man in the world.” In other words, he plans to kick Carlos Slim (whose net-worth is double that of Batista) to the curb. And based on the fact that he was the biggest gainer in 2010 (he made a staggering $19 billion in one year, according to Forbes!) all bets are off that he won’t pull off his ambitious goal. The delicious thing is, he’s free and available. He doesn’t have a wife! Now, the question is, are you his type? Mr. Batista was once married to a Brazilian carnival queen with whom he has two kids. So that should tell you something about his taste in women. Can you compete? And you will need to speak Portuguese if his Twitter page is any indication. I mean, what the heck is he talking about?
Christie Walton:Christie Walton’s family, by marriage, owns Walmart and so she inherited her enormous fortune. Ms. Walton, 51, is widowed, not divorced. Husband John died last year in a plane crash and so she must still be grieving a little bit. Christie lives in Jackson, Wyoming, though. Nice place to visit but would you want to live there? If so, go for it. If not, keep looking. I am certain Ms. Walton (who by the way loves her privacy) has room in her heart for another great love.
Li Ka Shing– Li Ka Shing, 81, lives in Hong Kong and is widowed. He made his fortune by hard work and started out selling plastic flowers in Hong Kong according to published reports. At this age, he probably isn’t all that interested in hooking up with anybody, probably dudn’t even have the energy, but you never know. I mean, look at Anna Nicole Smith. How old was that guy she married? Wasn’t he a billionaire too? Even grandpa billionaires need love and companionship, after all.
5. Alice Walton: Sister in law of Christie Walton and Walmart heir is also available. Alice, an “avid horse lover,” is divorced and clocks in at 60 years old. She lives in Texas on a horse farm according to Wikipedia. To impress Alice, you will do yourself a favor to get literate about American art. She is an enthusiast.
- Liliane Bettencourt: Ms. Bettencourt, 87, the “Make-up Heiress” is heir to the L’Oreal fortunes, and a widow. Liliane is a very,very generous old lady. In fact, her generosity has gotten her in big trouble with her adult daughter because her daughter claims that the $1.4 billion that Liliane gave to a perfect stranger, a gay man, shows that her mother is mentally incompetent and requires a legal guardian. According to Forbes, Liliane is worth about $20 billion, so really, giving someone $1 billion shouldn’t be such a big deal. But for her daughter Francoise, it is a huge deal. So make sure to hook up with Liliane for love. No gold-diggers please because you will have to contend with Francoise. Oh, and you will have to move to France for this to work. I doubt Liliane will be into a long distance relationship.
David Thomson: David, 52, is divorced and has the distinction of being the “richest man in Canada.” He inherited his money so he doesn’t have the street creds of someone, like, say, Carlos Slim who is self-made. Plus, to be with him you probably will have to move to Toronto where he lives. But by all accounts, Toronto is not a bad city. It’s not New York. But it’s okay all things considering. Oh, and one more thing: you will probably have to beat off soap star and actress Kelly Rowan with a stick. They were engaged once according to reports but they broke it off. They have a daughter together and seem to have an off-again on-again thing going. Don’t know what their exact status is at the moment. That’s your job to find out.
8.Lee Shau Kee: Lee Shaw Kee, 82, lives in Hong Kong. He’s divorced with 5 kids so if you think for one minute you’re going in there to gold-dig, just know off the bat that you will have to contend with a whole bunch of kids (who went to wealth camp and know how to spot a gold digger from miles away) who will no doubt want to protect their inheritance from your industrious little hands and will probably kill you before they let you abscond with the cash. Lee Shaw made his fortune in real estate according to Forbes so you would be smart to get savvy on that subject, or get good at pretending. Be prepared to move to Hong Kong. I doubt this octogenarian will be gallivanting and globe-trotting and buying expensive apartments on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. But everybody can be persuaded. It’s going to come down to how virile you make him feel.
- Michael Bloomberg: NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg has a long time girlfriend but not a wife. The philanthropsit mayor is 68, divorced, and has two spawns. But according to New York Magazine, being with him, even if he doesn’t marry you, can be financially satisfying, even if he can be a little, how shall I say? He can be a bit harsh sometimes, according to the mag; he sometimes “barks” at his women. BUT. He is also known to put loads of cash in trust for his exes so what’s a little bark now and then?:
“Such magnanimity, it turns out, does not end with former wives. Years ago, after Mr. Bloomberg broke up with a companion, Mary Jane Salk, a writer and widow of the psychologist Lee Salk, he gave her a trust fund worth at least $500,000 and a Park Avenue condominium, which he bought in 2000 for $3.75 million.” NYM
The thing with big Mike is he plans to give away all his money after he leaves office which will be in about 3 years. So I don’t know what use he’ll really be to someone, monetarily, who is attracted to him because he’s a billionaire. Make haste if you’re interested. The clock could run out in under 5 years. Oh, but wait. He has a long time girlfriend as I said. Her name is Diana Taylor and she’s very brainy. She is, I believe, the former New York state banking superintendent. This could be a sort of common law marriage of sorts. So maybe he’s not so eligible after all; maybe it’s typically inappropriate of me to put him on the list….sorry Diana!
- George Soros.George Soros, 76, is still a very active financier and probably doesn’t even need Viagra. He’s divorced and has a few kids, about 5 or 6, between his two ex wives. Two divorces is a lot for the typical billionaire. We dubbed George the “divorcing man” just a few days ago because he seems to “drop em like a brick” when he’s had his fill. And not just women. Business associates too. So you want to factor that into your calculus before you pounce. George, who is Hungarian, has the reputation of being a philanthropist; he is also got a great reputation for being very smart. He’s a graduate of the London School of Economics and he’s lauded for “breaking the British Pound” with his protegé Stanley Druckenmiller back in the 1990’s. This amount of smarts can be quite an aphrodisiac. I mean, who needs Viagra?