10 Things Tiger Woods should NOT do now that his divorce is final

I like Tiger Woods in spite of his PR debacle and I wish him the very best. I recognize that he messed up monumentally, disappointed a lot of people, and lost the woman he thinks is his ultimate dream, the Swedish countess Marie Douglas David blond, Elin Nordegren. Now, here is some unsolicited advice for Mr. Woods. I thought these up as I was listening to calypso, poolside, last night.
Tiger, DO NOT:
1. Live up to the “caricature” some people think you’ve become.
2. Rebound to the trollops – not even the “pretty” one, Rachel Uchitel; or in any way be associated with any woman who wears scanty clothing in public and flaunts obvious plastic surgery; also, failure to broaden the scope of the type of women you date could be the undoing of you. All that glitters is not gold.
3. Date any woman who isn’t clearly highly intelligent and evolved.
4. Prank-call your ex wife or follow her around when she begins to date or put GPS on her vehicle or pay security detail to spy on her or do anything to get a reputation of stalking her or being “jealous” of her moving on with her life.
5. Stop believing in a higher power; think you’re the be all and end all of your life; or, continue to live a fast life. There’s more than what you see, Tiger.
6. Fail to stay conscious about your mode of communication in your personal life. Some things should not be said via text message.
7. Do a sit down interview with anyone except this blog or Charlie Rose about the details of the divorce. (You hear that Tiger, we want to talk to you! Email us!)
8. Continue to lose golf championships even if you have a good excuse. (You’re a winner, Tiger; and a Capricorn. Get it together. Start playing golf!)
9. Become a pitchman for beer or any other alcoholic beverage or anything that could be deemed “low browed.” (That’s just gross, Tiger and it doesn’t matter how much they are paying you.)
10. Stop believing that even you can rehabilitate and recalibrate if that is your choice and heart’s desire; (and don’t stop believing that you can be a role model again for little kids because you still can, Tiger. But it will be a lot of hard work. Now more than ever, what you do off the golf course matters as much as what you do on the golf course. Do more charitable work!)