Did rampant adultery destroy the American economy?

What does adultery have to do with the Great Recession, unemployment, housing foreclosures, bank defaults and Lehman Brothers, you ask? I don’t know yet. I’m working on a theory and I expect to have something in under 60 seconds……… I am certain there is some kind of connection how ever nebulous it may be. And I’m going to flesh it out and give it to you in a New York minute…..  I swear to you. I am going to flesh it out…… Hang on………………
………………………………………………………………….I’m still thinking……….
Ok. Got it. See, what is at the root of this whole economic implosion, anyways? It’s Wall Street, right? That testosterone fueled environment where men predominate? Where they rule? Hme…..
So, obviously, some of those Wall Street boys fell asleep at the wheels. Know what I mean? Something apocalyptic went down and it came to a head in 2008 and we’re still feeling the reverberating effects. Prior to that, it was a big paaaaartey. Right? People couldn’t keep up with the money, the bonuses, the real estate and the art work. It was so much it was almost nasty.
So, here’s my big indelicate question: What do you think folks were doing at these paaaaarteys? They were eating, drinking, using, carousing, and having sex! And a lot times, it wuddn’t with their spouses!
Seriously, so far, you can agree that I’m right, right? Okay.
So, now, what do you think happens? And I’m talking pre-2008, that heady decade where the bulls were running rampant with their pants down through downtown Manhattan; those were the days when Bernie Madoff had a swanky office in something called the “Lipstick Building?” Remember those good old days? Before financial reform?
I can tell you this much: Nobody was concentrating on what they were supposed to be concentrating on back then. They were doing deals in their hotel rooms on 1000 thread sheets with women who had DD boobs exploding out of their chests!  Alright? The last thing those bad boys were thinking about, my friend, is the economy. It was like, “what economy, stupid?  The economy is great! Look at my artwork! Look at planes! Look at my chicks! Look at that! Cause that’s how we roll, mother%#$CK@#! That’s how we roll!!!”
And, of course, they were drunk to boot. On really, really expensive booze and the kind of powdered substances that only lots of money can buy. They were fat cats. Oblivious to the consequences not only for themselves, and, I guess, their spouses, but for the rest of us little folks who on Main Street who don’t got nothing.
I’m telling you now, that excess, that lifestyle is what got in the way of these men’s focus. It was the excess that made them fall asleep at the wheel. It compromised their judgment, made ’em do stoopid stuff, like hedge against credit default swaps and securitize people’s mortgages and run ponzi schemes and think they would get away with it (btw did I imagine it or did they find a few million of Bernie’s money in Cyprus?)
The problem is that this was cultural. Maybe not everyone on Wall Street did it, but enough did who mattered. And when you have an entire cross section of powerful men doing the above, as a matter of routine? Then you have the kind of fuck up we see right now in America. The irony is, most of their marriages survived because, according to the stats, it wasn’t economically prudent for the wives to ask for a divorce in the recession.
Ah huh.
So. How to fix the marriages economy? Girrrrl, don’t look at me. I went to CUNY.