The Divorced Man’s Manifesto
I vow to keep my cool and not let my wife and her lawyer anger me. I will be respectful of the process and of my wife throughout. I will not call her names like “bitch” and I will not allow her to call me names like “son of a bitch.” I will insist on mutuality of respect not only from my wife but from our respective attorneys as well.
I am a champion of “father’s rights” and will insist on having a place in the lives of my children. I will not allow myself, my wife or the court system to take my children away from me and reduce me to a “visitor” in the lives of my children. They are equally my children as they are my wife’s and I want to be more than just their child support check and I will insist on it, not in a way that disparages my wife, or damages my children, but in a way that is unequivocal and firm.
I will be fair in distributing assets from the marriage. I will not denigrate my wife by calling her names like “gold digger” or insulting her by asking the court to send her back to the workplace if she’s been a stay at home wife for all the years of our marriage. Sure, I don’t think I should be responsible for my wife after we divorce. The privilege she has of being a stay at home mother ends when we divorce and if it means she needs to get a job, then she needs to get a job. But I will not call her names. I will, however, ask for a reasonable duration to the support I am asked to provide her. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair that I have to support her for the rest of her life. But I recognize that I should support her for a while till she transitions from my wife to single, or to somebody else’s wife.
I will not cast blame about the failure of this marriage. I will act with maturity as I realize that marriage is a two way street. No one person is to blame for the success or failure. It takes two. Sure, there’s been a lot of anger and broken expectations. But it still takes two and I am not going to point fingers at my wife at this time. I am simply going to rise above all pettiness and try to resolve this legal proceeding as soon as possible and with minimal pain so that we can both move on with our lives.
There will be no violence in these proceedings. I do not believe in violence and have never nor would I ever act violently towards my ex wife. I don’t own my ex wife. She does not own me. And neither of us owns our children. If my ex wife moves on before me and finds another love interest, I am not about to get involved in that relationship. I am secure enough in myself to let it all go. I will take it like a man. There will be no violence.
Created April 14, 2010 republished on December 11 2010