I think it was back in 2008 I did a post on the “disenfranchised father syndrome” and the link probably shows up below. I don’t remember exactly what I said in that post, but I’ve been thinking about dads today and thought I’d just quickly point out that when a father becomes disenfranchised from his former family and he feels “alienated” from his children post-divorce, he is less likely to play a significant role in the children’s lives after a while. In other words, he is human and after a certain point, he could tune out. This is really those fathers who mean well, obviously. They want to be dads but for some reason they are, or were, involved with a difficult and vengeful woman who uses the children are weapons and who tries to drive a wedge between the children and their father. Who is this woman hurting? Her children. Because ultimately, this man will get worn down by all the court appearances and all the accusations, and sometimes even the incarcerations (he’s accused of abuses, say) and then he will tune out and leave the children alone. Oh, he’ll probably pay the child support as ordered to keep himself out of the contempt of the court. But money does not substitute for the care and love and nurturing of a loving father. So the point of this post is to implore those mothers who are guilty of alienating the children from their dads, to stop. Children need both parents wherever possible. They need that balance of a father and a mother – if they are lucky enough to have both. Don’t discourage a man from loving his own kids. You are not only hurting him; you are also hurting the children you claim to love so much.
This goes both ways. Except, I haven’t yet heard of the “disenfranchised mom” syndrome. If you are a mom whose love and affection was alienated by a vengeful father, my heart goes out to you too, and I implore this monster to stop the behavior. But if you are the monster who is doing this to the children and their father? Shame on you. You need to stop that behavior right now.