Is your marriage dangerous?

Is your marriage dangerous?

In my little rarefied world where marriage is a magic kingdom and husbands and wives are “expanded” and filled up by virtue of their togetherness, there’s no such thing as divorce. And there’s no such thing as a “dangerous” marriage. No, only a beautiful sacrament that is predicated on godliness, love, respect, togetherness, fruitfulness, laughter, joy, success, sweet love-making…..blah, blah, blah. Yes, I know. Just call me polly-genie-in-a-bottle.

Couple in Istanbul

The reality is, there’s such a thing as a “dangerous” marriage. Are you in one of them? Mostly, by dangerous, I mean physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive. I mean, if your spouse is beating the bejesus out of you on a daily basis, or, like, ever, that’s a dangerous marriage. If your spouse is calling you horrific names like, “slut” “ho” or “bitch” or whatever else I can’t think of, (think Mel Gibson here) that’s a dangerous marriage. If your spouse makes you feel stupid or tells you you are stupid, fat, ugly, cheap, whatever else my pea brain can scarcely think up, chances are, you are in a dangerous situation and need to get out. But it could mean other things. There are other marital dangers, some more covert than others. For example, I’ve noticed that married people get into lots of vices together. Whether it’s co-dependent drug use, excessive porno, criminal activity, child abuse, rape, gambling, prostitution, etc., these are indicative of a toxic, dangerous situation that is totally unhealthy and that you would do yourself a favor to get out of ASAP. And this list is not exhaustive as I said. I’m just having trouble picturing this. I have no idea what actually goes on in marriages since I have never married. But I do hear stories that scare me senseless. And in a way, I feel like marriage almost takes away a person’s innocence (almost against their will) and that it is often a gateway for depravity and dereliction. For a lot of people, unfortunately. It’s like, the argument goes something like “well, we’re married, so….” So, I guess a marriage license is an excuse to literally lose your soul.

I am usually anti-divorce, unless we are talking about a dangerous marriage. And frankly, there seems to be more of those than there are healthy marriages. The sad truth is, more people are staying in these types of toxic marriages than those who are getting a divorce. So the divorce “rate” only tells a part of the story. It is not capturing all the people who don’t divorce but are living in toxic, dangerous marriages – which, as far as I’m concerned, are not really “marriage” but some other negative relationship. (Marriage is a “positive,”  sacred relationship)

I wonder how many people are living in dangerous marriages and are too scared to get a divorce?


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