Is your inner mean girl wrecking your marriage?
I was just listening to my boy John Tesh, and he said something tonight about how 97% of women have been found to have a negative body and self image, due to this “inner mean girl” and the damage that is doing not only to their psyche and self esteem, but also their health. He did not say that negative self-talk is wrecking marriages, but I bet it is.
John talks about how so many women tell themselves “I’m fat” or “I’m ugly” or “I’m unattractive” or “I’m a pig,” etc and it’s so true…..But do women say these things in front of their husbands? Tesh claims that women say these things to themselves all the time and this kind of talk is literally wrecking their health. It’s literally giving them high blood pressure and a whole bunch of other ailments. And I am willing to bet that it is driving some of them to divorce as well.
And I should know about the inner mean girl because mine is a real beyatch. OMG. The things I say to myself and about myself are definitely inappropriate. I would never say these things to someone else. But somehow, I regularly say these things to myself. Ironically, if someone were to say the things I say to my own self, to me? I am not sure what I would do about it, but it would be a major problem. Sometimes I am so filled up with self-loathing that it spills over in the blog and I find myself writing “I’m a fat pig!” and stuff like that. Ya know? It’s like a compulsion almost. Especially if I’ve “pigged out” or something, which I do when I get stressed, which stresses me more and becomes this horrible cycle, of like, more eating and more negative self talk. And the irony of the whole thing is, whatever else I am, I have never in my life been “fat.” So I don’t know what that bitch is talking about.
This type of behavior and self-talk and self-image is unhealthy according to John Tesh and I am thinking now that its bad for relationships and bad for marriages too, for those of you who are married. Now, I don’t exactly know how to stop the behavior. But I do know that the behavior has to stop because, I mean, if you constantly think of yourself as ugly or fat or unworthy, and you’re constantly saying this to your partner, I think it can get tiring; or he could start to believe it, that, hey, she says she’s ugly and fat, so maybe she is. Maybe I need to start looking for a thinner more attractive girl. Maybe I deserve better than she. I mean, I am not sure if it’s so linear and simple, but I am thinking it could take more of a toll not only on your own self esteem and psyche, but on your husband’s as well and certainly on the health of your marriage.
So if you are engaging in this negative self talk, that 97% of women seem to do, you need to find a way to stop it. I mean, I don’t know how. It’s hard. It’s hard. It’s a hard habit to break. And its a more complex issue than just a woman being negative. It’s learned behavior. It’s societal pressure. It’s environment, culture, familial, so much….it’s hard….. I just got up and looked at myself in the mirror, stark naked, and I said to myself, “YOU ARE FUCKING GORGEOUS, WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sorry. Sometimes only the F word will do. ahahahahaha. No, I didn’t actually get naked. I just looked at my face and said it and it felt good for that moment. I think the way you silence that inner mean girl is you keep talking over her and telling your self that you are worthy and beautiful and sexy (in spite of the exaggerated curves you may think you have or whatever your “shortcomings”) and NEVER, NEVER, NEVER say these things in front of your husband. I mean, if he said the things to you that you are saying to yourself, that would be abuse that would be grounds for a divorce, no question. So, why do you say it to yourself? And worse, why would you think it has no effect on your marriage?
You need to get rid of your inner mean girl. She’s not good for you and she may be on a mission to destroy your marriage. I don’t know how you are going to do it, but you absolutely have to rid yourself of her. Somehow. I mean, don’t become Charlie Sheen with his “grandiose” out of control ego. But do stop being so negative about yourself, for the sake of your own health, and that of your marriage.
Now, what am I going to do about mine? I mean, I don’t have a marriage to safeguard but I can’t have the beyatch drive my blood pressure into the stratosphere either.