16 ways to build a stronger, more divorce-proof marriage

Well, here are a few marriage resolutions I thunk up. Before you head to the divorce lawyer, try these things:

1. Get a cleanse. A marriage cleanse I mean. I don’t know what that means and what it encompasses but I was just reading Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop and she’s got this New Years resolution goop today and she’s talking about cleanses and I thought, “hey, that is probably what more folks need to do. They need to ‘cleanse’ their marriages.” What that means will differ for each couple. But use your imagination and get to it. 
2. Have better sex, even if this means less sex. I don’t want to sound ridiculous, but I think sex was meant to be sacred and I think it can be if a couple chooses to make it so.
3. Make more eye contact while having dirty thoughts about each other. (hahaha:) )
4. Touch more – with tenderness and compassion and love. I mean, seriously, stop being so angry with each other. It’s not worth it.
5. Listen as if you were having a conversation with Jesus (Let’s say it turns out he really exists and he were talking to you on your cell phone – I bet you you’d give him your undivided attention.)
6. Sit down and get on the same page with the money; don’t get up till you both understand each other and agree with each other and are ready willing and able to follow through on all resolves you make together. You can do it. It can be done.
7. Get on the same page with the kids. Present a united front. It is much better for them and for you.
8. Get on the same page with the in-laws. It’s okay to have the in-law suite and all; but try not to let them destroy your marriage.
9. Put your career second to your marriage.
10. Put your friends second to your marriage
11. Take steps to expand who you are personally so that who you are in the marriage is the best possible you can be.
12. Get marriage counseling from someone who is objective and who knows what the heck they’re talking about.
13.  Open your heart, soul and mind a little bit more; be less judgmental at the same time.
14. Clean up – the house, our armpits, the familial baggage and the past mistakes and move forward clutter-free into the rest of your marriage.
15. Say I love you more often – with feeling and meaning. And hug lingeringly and warmly and tightly.
16. Forgive.
Originally published 1/2011 as 16 New Year’s resolutions for building a stronger, more divorce-proof marriage