Are your children from a previous relationship pushing your marriage to divorce?

Does your spouse hate your kids?
What is it about children from previous relationships that seem to rock the equilibrium of current relationships? And this seems especially a problem for men. When I was younger and looking, one of the first questions men would ask, especially the brothers, is “you got kids?”

A child at play

It was like a kiss of death if the answer to that question was “yes.” I would bet that more than just a few women got passed over for marriage because she had kids. I don’t know if it is the financial support issue but typically, nobody wants to deal with kids that are not theirs. Men especially. There are exceptions, of course. Look at Brad and Angelina. She had a son before they met (adopted, true) but he embraced that child as his own almost from the beginning. So there are men out there who love you and loving you means they love your kids and it doesn’t matter.
But for others, it can be really bad news. I know of men who acted like they were fine with the child from a previous relationship, then they marry a woman, and all of a sudden, that child becomes a big time issue in the marriage. It’s almost like he wants his wife to get rid of her own kid. He competes with the child (this is probably true for women too, there is such a thing as the cruel stepmom, although I think it’s more of a problem with men) and he also is apt to be abusive towards the child, whether verbally or physically. In fact, I would be willing to go out on a limb and say that domestic violence issues increase where there are children from previous relationships. Men have been known to beat their wives due to issues surrounding the children from previous relationships.
What is up with that? Especially in this culture where men more than women are more likely to be adamantly pro-life. What is it they want a woman to do? I mean, he knew you had kids before he married you; then he marries you; and now, it’s like your kids gotta go for the marriage to work. Isn’t that totally bewildering? I guess they are pro-life but only to the extent that the woman he marries only has his kids.
Boy. What is the solution? I don’t know. Obviously, you can’t get rid of your kids. As far as I’m concerned, if the kids are an issue in the marriage, you have to get rid of the spouse. Husbands/wives will come and go but your kids will always be your kids. How’s that for priority? If your spouse doesn’t like your kids, you have to get rid of the spouse. That is my grand conclusion.
You don’t like my kids? Hit the road, Jack. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
(Sheeesh…can you imagine the nerve? 🙂 I have raging pms, btw, so if this was obnoxious, oh well!)