A gentleman's guide to divorce: 10 do's and don'ts

A gentleman’s guide to divorce

There are fewer and fewer true gentlemen in the world. I used to think, for example, that Donald Trump was such a “gentleman.” I used to be a huge fan. But lately, I’ve had to rethink that. I don’t think he’s a gentleman at all. In fact, his behavior recently with regard to his ostensible run for the presidency (which, initially, I was excited about) and his attacks on Barack Obama made me see that, indeed, his behavior can be well characterized as “uncouth,” and the antithesis of what I consider “gentlemanly” behavior. I mean, he comes off as such a bully. And I abhor those. I really, really do.

What even is a gentleman? Ya know? It’s hard to even characterize him. I think, so far, Barack Obama has conducted himself like a gentleman. I’m trying to think of others in the public eye who I would consider gentlemen….it’s hard…..um….well, I’ll come back to this later. Let me just try to put together my list of things a “gentleman” ought to do, or not, when he is getting divorced:

1. Don’t call your soon to be ex-wife and her (female) lawyer by choice names.

2. If you are a public figure, refuse to air dirty laundry and speak about your wife’s private parts (Roseann Barr’s ex Tom Arnold, for example, made some references to her privates that very much were ungentlemanly, to say the least)

3. Don’t respond to violence from your spouse or with violence to your spouse.

4.  Gentlemen can curse, but don’t go Mel Gibson.

5. About the money…..I mean, even if you were the one to physically earn it, when you got married it stopped being “yours” and became a joint asset. So stop name-calling and marginalizing the contributions your wife made to the marriage partnership. That is not to say she should take you to the cleaners (that’s not very ladylike) but you can’t just do a Monty Python. That’s uncouth.

6. If there is a prenup, and it was a fairly executed agreement, it’s okay to hold your own and insist that the agreement is enforced. But if you know it was unfair on its face, you should negotiate in good faith with your wife to settle the matter.

7. Provide for your children post-divorce. You shouldn’t have to get sued for child support. It should be your honor as a man to provide for your own children.

8. Don’t hide assets. Everybody knows your money-head is bigger than your wife’s and that you can run circles around her where money is concerned. But taking advantage of your “superior understanding” of money makes you a miscreant. Be honest and above-board.

9. Refrain from sleeping with your wife’s BFF just to spite her.

10. It’s perfectly acceptable  to get yourself a “classy” bachelor pad after the whole thing is done, and to entertain  new “chicks” there; just don’t expose the kids to your “bimbos” just to drive the ex wife crazy. Exercise discretion. Don’t be Charlie Sheen.

So, that’s about it. This list was lame, I know it. But there you have it. My 10 things a gentleman ought to do, or not, when getting a divorce. 🙂