The marriage bucket list: Things to do before you divorce

Marriage bucket lists…..what can I say about it……………
Well, I think you should definitely have take a holiday together just the two of you and it doesn’t have to be someplace expensive. Since you got married you probably let life take over and dictate the level of fun and romance (the kids, the jobs, the mortgages, whatever) and you stopped dating and having fun, just the two of you. So before you divorce, definitely fit in a vacation alone. “Course, if this is a situation like Monica Beresford-Redman and her husband Bruce Beresford Redman, be careful. If the marriage is far gone, you probably should eschew going off to remote places cause you probably ain’t gonna make it back. Judge the situation. And then make a determination if it makes sense for you, and if it is safe.
What else? Go sky-diving as a couple. Now, don’t misunderstand me on this. There is no way in hell I would do that personally. No way. But if you have a daredevil personality, I am told that couples who take huge risks together, tend to strengthen their relationship rather than weaken it. But it has to be a mutual desire. No one should feel coerced.
Invest. This is another thing to do before you divorce. Money is at the root of a lot of marital problems. Why not make a pact to start saving and investing a particular chunk of the money – maybe the chunk that is getting smoked, sniffed, or gambled in lottery tickets on a regular basis. Whatever it is. Decide to pool that money together and invest it instead, and watch it grow together, and add to it, and create a nest egg. This will give your marriage purpose and soul and it could avert a divorce crisis.
Get an orgasm. I wonder if there are people who are married and who never manufactured an orgasm together in a bilateral way? Hahahahahaha. I can totally see how this could happen, believe me. But orgasms need to be made, imported and exported in a marriage and so, if it’s not happening, I don’t know what to tell you, but make it a priority to figure out how to make it happen. Otherwise, look at what happened to Camille and Kelsey Grammer? She told Barbara Walters, alleged (I didn’t see the interview cause, once again, I have no television and my only contact with the outside world is the Internet and NPR) that they tried to have a good sex life, but it didn’t work out for them. This is shocking since they’ve been married so long. Can you imagine miserable, substandard sex for 13 years in a marriage? Crazy. So vow to make an orgasm or two happen, like, stat.
What else? Fire your marriage counselor. That’s on the bucket list. If you keep going for years and you’re still miserable as all get out, what the heck is the point? Fire the incompetent and try something else or someone else. Like what? I don’t know. Religion. Try religion. Statistics show that marriages where the two people share a common religious and spiritual ideology tend to work better. I mean, don’t be a zealot. But religion and prayer can help when it is backed up with action and accountability. So, if you haven’t been going to church, it’s okay. But you need a spiritual base in your marriage. You really, really do?
What else? I can’t think of anything else right now. I have to go. Duty calls. What I will do is update this later when I think of more stuff…..
Oh, start working out together. Buy a home gym or something and make working out together and losing weight a joint venture in your marriage….speaking of which, did I mention lately that I’m a fat…never mind. You wouldn’t understand. I’ll update this latter when I get a minute. For now, if you read this and think of anything to add to a marriage bucket list, please let me know. I’d love to hear from you.