Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher to divorce

Demi and Ashton to divorce
I’m sorry, Demi. I know this must be hard for you. I am not going to say anything other than that because I think I’ve said all I’ve had to say about this. And it doesn’t matter. My opinion is cheap talk. This was your life. You loved this man and you thought it could work and you were wrong. Sort of. It did work for six whole years! Maybe our problem is that we expect too much from modern marriage. It’s not going to last forever like our parents’ marriages. That generation is a bunch of masochists, anyways. I mean, think about it, the same sexual partner for 50 or more years? What the hell is that all about? How many Kama Sutras does it need to escape ennui in that situation? Besides, it’s not even about that. It’s about the fact that while it lasted, it must have been awesome….I think you made a big mistake when you divulged that you have a loose front tooth. I remember how you tweeted the pic of you with your front tooth out and I just gasped, because it was a big mistake to let your husband, one who is so much younger than you at that, see you in that compromised position. And then you tweet that to the world? So now everybody knows his wife is less than perfect? You just can’t give them that much information, girlfriend.

Demi and Ashton in happier days

They can’t process it. It sticks in their heads and next thing you know, the marriage is caput. Because the mystery is gone. Rule of thumb for the future: don’t shit defecate, urinate, brush your teeth, floss, remove your teeth, pad up, fart, or any of those things in front of a man no matter how long you’ve been with him. I’m sorry but let’s just keep it real.  And while you’re at it, don’t ever let them see you completely naked either. Seriously.   THEY CAN’T PROCESS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They need to think of you as this princess on an ivory tower who doesn’t do any of those things, these processes. And you know what? Even though they want to see you completely naked, you can’t let them have what they want on this score either. Always be wearing something. Seriously. I know this is crude. But it’s true. And that’s where I think the rubber hit the road in your marriage, Demi. And then when you compound that with the fact that you can’t give him biological children and he’s only 33 and full of all that fertile sperm? Are you kidding me? And he now has to contend with an aging wife with her front tooth missing? Girlfriend, you dug your own grave. And I say this with love. Learn the bitter lessons and move on. You are hot. You will find another him in a New York minute. But don’t make the same mistake, Demi. Otherwise, the outcome will be the same. You copy?
Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jwjensen/3920752078/sizes/m/in/photostream/