I am a little bit aggravated at the moment. So I turn to the blog, to try to restore my equilibrium. This blog, writing, is such good therapy for me. But what can I write about that would be interesting or even helpful, or entertaining to someone who would visit a divorce blog? What can I write about?… Reason vs. irrationality… 🙂 omg. As I write that, I laugh out loud. It’s good I got a laugh out of myself. Because years ago, an Indian priest, a very good friend of mine asked me this pointed question in broken English and an extremely heavy Indian accent: “are you rational human being or irrational human being?” And we both cracked up. We just went completely to pieces because we both knew that in that moment, there was only one right answer to exactly what type of human being I was. I was irrational human being. Or certainly whatever it was I was doing or fixing to do, was “irrational.” I feel like I am in a very similar moment. But my Indian friend is long gone, back to India somewhere and so I have to ask myself the question, “Jeannie, are you rational human being? Or irrational human being?” And it cracks me up. It cracks me up to kingdom come because right at this moment, there is only one answer to that question. I’m so glad I have this blog to write on it anonymously and get myself out of this moment, sanely, so that I can stop myself from doing what I impulsively want to do….
Do you ever feel that way in your relationships? In your marriage? Or even in your divorce? Are there things going on that are bringing out the worst in you and making you contemplate all sorts of acts and actions that, in the end, may hurt you more than they help you — but you just don’t give a damn because you are so angry and upset and whatever it is you are feeling? This is a very dangerous interval. Before you do anything, stop just for a second and ask yourself, “am I rational human being? Or irrational human being? Because the outcome of everything is very different depending on which person you bring to the table.
It is good to have an friend like the Indian priest who can make you step back for a minute and reason things out and question yourself so that you rethink everything, and possibly make a different choice, assuming its not too late. My Indian friend is long gone. But I did have a chat today with someone who reminded me of him. He’s a very “rational” man. It’s incredible. You know how you meet some people just in the nick of time in your life and they just tell you exactly what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear? And they are so calm as they do it and you’re all agitated and wanting to go in the other direction and they are just calmly talking reason to you and making you face up to yourself like an adult instead of an emotional and impulsiv, angry, indignant child? And he didnt’ even ask me if I was “rational human being.” He just calmly just said his piece and that was it.
So I came back to my apartment and I’m all aggravated because he is making me question my decisions which I had almost allowed to dry in cement. He’s forcing me to think like a grown up with is not something I’m particularly good at when I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I know he’s right. I have to stop and think rationally. Not emotionally. And I’m trying. I’m trying to get to reason….It’s a similar thing for people going through divorce, I think. Divorce can definitely bring out the worse in people, can’t it? It’s almost too Herculean to expect people to be “rational” with a lot of the nonsense that goes on. It is so emotionally charged. But you have to fight your natural impulses. You have to step back from the situation and ask yourself, “who am I hurting if I make this choice? Am I rational human being? Or irrational human being?” Then, walk away from the situation for a few days, cool down, and then, make your decision….fuck….this is not easy…. Ok. Enough of me preaching to myself. I have a lot to do and I need to refocus. But I just thought I’d pop this post out, just in case there’s somebody out there who needs a bit of a reality check as he or she tries to circumnavigate a divorce. Try to be “rational human being.” You’ll probably like yourself better ten years from now. 🙂