The divorcee vs. the widow: who do men find sexier as dates?

The widow vs. the divorcee: who do men find sexier?
Don’t you just love it when I ask myself these impossibly philosophical questions that go to the essence of the species called men, a species I know absolutely nothing about and understand even less about? Don’t you just love it? Cause I love it. I love when I ask myself these preposterous scenarios and then purport to answer them on this blog. I love this blog. I get to say whatever the heck I want with impunity and nobody is the wiser.  It is so much fun. So wicked. It makes me giggle all the time. I’m giggling right now over Earl Grey tea and a donut.
Anyways. Who do I think men prefer to date? Divorcees? Or widows? I don’t have the foggiest fricking clue. I don’t know anything about what men want and desire. Seriously. I just absolutely don’t know. But I can play devil’s advocate. I can free associate till I come up with something ludicrous which makes me laugh.
Let’s take each in turn: The Divorcee is typically either going to be very hot or very cold. She is just emerging from a divorce which means there could be  a sense of dejection there, probably. She’s been through hell and she may not be feeling all…………………… goddamit the blog just ate everything I wrote now i have to try to remember it!………………………………aghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…………… I hate when that happens. My writing is much better the first time around. If I have to rewrite I lose the freshness and the spontaneity and I can never remember exactly what I said before, so it’s not as cute! So annoying when the blog eats my work!!!…………………………………
Anyways. The divorcee. Okay, so the divorcee, at least some types, are in dejection mode (I am so annoyed about this I wrote a lot of interesting prose the the bloody blog just ate it) and she is not feeling all that sexy, is what I’m thinking. She’s probably allowed herself to grow fat, with a belly roll and all. So she looks sort of like me, except my belly roll has nothing to do with a divorce. She is distrustful of men. Totally. She doesn’t trust they will not break her heart all over again. Plus, she’s probably got 2.5 screaming kids under the age of 5 to rear and when the average single man looks at that, he gets a headache and just wants to bolt. He has zero interest in dating the dejected divorcee and her 2.5 kids unless she’s J.Lo and he’s Casper and she’s got $20.5 million on the bank, in which case the kids may not be quite as annoying….
But then there is the other divorcee. She is a professional, career woman who was never the stay at home mom type. Her body is hard and almost vicious with ripped glutes (which ones are the glutes again?) and she… well, if the glutes are what I think they are, then I mean abs. She has ripped abs, not glutes, and she is very self-asssured and she is on the market for a toy boy to just absolutely corrupt with her post-divorce diva-licious sex kittenish behavior. You should see the lingerie collection she just bought at wherever the bleep she bought it. (ahahahahaha 🙂 ) She has no kids, btw, so there is nobody needing a diaper change when the new man wants to get…what does he want to get? He wants to get Ramen Noodles! Yes, that’s exactly it. Ramen Noodles. He wants Ramen Noodles and (I think I need to cut this out while I’m still ahead, what do you think?) a glass of milk….Yes, this divorcee might be more interesting to new men looking for a date than the other dejected divorcee….I’m still trying to figure out if it is possible to seduce a guy by cooking him Ramen Noodles….
Ok. Enough with the Ramen Noodles. What about the widow?  Do men want to date newly widowed women? I think of the widow as this very fragile being. She is almost frail and sad and she seems almost one eye bat away from bursting into tears. My first inclination is that a man would find this tiresome. They don’t want problems. They just want to get shagged and fed. They don’t want to be mopping up tears over the fact that this woman is grieving her dead husband….but maybe not. Some men actually like feeling like the hero who saves the damsel in distress. Even if she has 2.5 screaming kids under the age of 5 at home, and she hasn’t gotten her hair done and all the grey is showing through the roots and all? He still thinks she’s adorable and he still wants to take care of her and help her forget that her husband, probably the love of her life, just kicked the bucket.
I don’t know. Which one do men prefer to date? Divorcees or widows? I am guessing maybe…I think it depends on the man and it depends on the particular woman and what each is looking for. That is what I think the right answer is. What do you think? Assuming you know diddly squat about what men want and what they find sexy? Ain’t that a conundrum, btw? Figuring out what it is men like and want?…well, I gotta go. I have to get some “substantive” work done. 🙂
Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dance_photographer/5222582959/sizes/m/in/photostream/