It's the panties, stupid!

Allowing another man to see your panties will DEFINITELY cause a rift in your marriage
Analyze this. My friend Deb and I were trying to analyze a situation that has caused her a lot of angst. After hours of beating around the bush and getting nowhere with my analysis, she said, “well, Jeannie, there’s one more thing. There was one time when there was an incident with my panties.”  Well, my ears perked up. “Oh. Tell me about the panties.” And so she explained to me what happened when this guy accidentally caught a vision of her panties which were strewn all over her hotel room when she was on assignment in Moscow. “Jeannie, you don’t think this whole fracas is all about my panties, do you?” she implored after giving me the whole scenario which was pretty darn hilarious. “Of course it’s about the panties, stupid! All this time you’re giving me a conniption trying to figure this out and you didn’t tell me about the panties???”
“Well, because I didn’t think it was important!!!”
“You didn’t think it was important??? It’s the only thing that’s important in this whole thing!!!”
” I mean, what was I to do??? He came into my room, ostensibly to troubleshoot my computer issues, my panties were all over the place, I gathered them up and threw them out of sight. What was I to do, Jeannie??? I mean, WHAT?”
At this point I’m staring at her speechless. She said, “They were my panties! And I picked them up. I wear panties Jeannie! I wear panties! Big newsflash! Sue me! And they were all over the place, almost airborne, cause it’s not like I was expecting my fricking boss to come to my room like that, and so  I picked them up and threw them out of the way! What is the big crime???”
“Debbie, you let another man see your panties!”
“”I did not LET him see my panties, Jeannie. He came into my room and they were in plain sight and I picked them up. That’s all that happened. Besides, they were grannie panties, Jeannie!!! Plus I had no interest whatsoever in this guy. None! Zero!”
“It doesn’t matter, Debbie!!! First of all he shouldn’t have come to your room. That’s inappropriate.”
“But I needed help with my computer! I didn’t know anybody in Moscow!!!”
She paused, then said, “You think he told him? Is that why he hates me?”
“Yes, of course he did. What do you think these men talk about? Your intelligence? Of course he definitely told him and that’s why he hates you. It’s none of that other shit you’ve been telling me is the reason. He probably even spiced up the story a little bit so now he probably thinks you slept with him or something.”
“Oh god. So, what can I do???”
“Nothing. Next time, just don’t allow another man to see your panties when you are interested in someone else!!!”
“Oh god. Now you tell me.”
So, what’s  the takeway for the reader? Well, if the reader is married, under no circumstances do you ever allow, even my accident, for another man to catch even a fleeting glance of your panties, and then have your husband find out about it. He will likely divorce you. Some may even beat you first. I’m just saying….
Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bru_camargo/2965583095/sizes/m/in/photostream/