Divorce mistake No. 1: Don't push too hard, and get too greedy and alienate the judge!

R&B Crooner Usher and his ex wife Tameka Foster got divorced in 2009 and it seems that the ex Mrs. Usher was awarded custody of their two minor sons. Or at least she had joint custody.  But then, she began to push and push and throw her weight around, and it backfired bigtime when the Atlanta judge stripped her of joint custody, and gave primary custody to Usher. Tameka was apparently demanding to know when the crooner took the children on trips; and to have a say in which babysitter he hired to take care of them. She also wanted to live permanently in the Georgia mansion she used to live in, when she was married to Usher. Was this totally unreasonable? Not necessarily. But under the circumstances, she should have known when to stop.
This is a typical mistake of a lot of women who marry men with money and then divorce him.  They develop an oversized sense of entitlement and they over-reach and they don’t know when to quit while they are ahead; then, potentially, they lose everything.
It is a big mistake, especially for women like Tameka who never seemed to be able to rally the support and love of the collective (and this is not necessarily her fault, but you can’t make ’em love you, Tameka!) to get too avaricious and demanding after a divorce. And when the children are the weapons used, it is very important to be judicious in how you use this weapon. When I say weapon, it is obvious that with the children, Tameka (and women  of her milieu) gain to benefit financially and socially, if they have custody. They get to keep the marital residence quite often; they get financial support checks to provide for the children’s keep (and this is cash and capital that they can use how they see fit, to benefit themselves as well as the children); they have a source of leverage with their ex to the extent that, when they have primary custody, they can exert a little power over him and make him sweat just a little bit if he should ever step out of line.
And fine. No big whoop. Whatever turns these individuals on. The problem and the mistake comes when you start to take your petty squabbles to court and expose to the court and to a judge, who may not think you are all that cute, that you are being petty and that you may even be acting in a slightly greedy fashion. The courts will turn on you very quickly. I mean, very quickly. And depending on just how much the judge can’t stand you, it will reflect in the outcome of your divorce. If you’re lucky, you may get to keep the kids. If you’re not so lucky, you are going to lose the kids. And with the kids go all the perks and all the benefits, the child support checks, the whole nine.
Tameka was stupid to push the way she did. Now, she has lost not just her son who was recently killed in a boating accident in Atlanta, she now has lost custody of her two sons with Usher because the judge has cruelly ruled that she is “too handicapped” to care for her children (oh, and apparently she once told Usher “I will eff you UP”; she apparently admitted that on the stand and the judge was scandalized that she would say such a thing; the judge never heard anybody curse before, I bet; although, so what? Isn’t that how people talk in marriages these days. But it can be used against you when its convenient, Tameka!) She should have left well enough alone, accepted what she got in the settlement; cherished custody of the children, and moved on with her life. Now, after having made her grand post-divorce mistake, she is left with nothing.
The take away for all parents embroiled in a custody battle is, know when to fold.  Know when to walk away and when to run. Push. But only so much. Don’t make the mistake of pushing your divorce demands and the courts and your ex to the limit. Because you just might lose a lot more than you gain.