The post-divorce rebound: Why it's important to take at least 6 months off before beginning to date again

Why is it important to take some time for yourself before you begin this “rebound” dating after you divorce or split from a long term relationship? Two words: Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez is a textbook case for a woman who can’t be alone for five minutes. Most times, her relationships have overlapped. She doesn’t even bother to wait for the relationship to come to a full stop before she rebounds like a chicken without a head, with someone else. In all the time she has been a public figure, Jennifer has never been “manless” so to speak. She may view this as a good thing, a testament to her desirability. But there is a flip side to that: Fear. And it’s pretty terrible. And sometimes a little bit pathetic.
People who can’t be alone are usually driven by deep fear. Fear of what being alone with their thoughts and time may reveal about themselves to themselves. Instead of taking time after a relationship ends to evaluate what went wrong, or to get in touch with who they are and what they need and want, these types of people just jump head first into the next relationship, with the next person who happens to be standing closest by.
On the one hand, this is good for some things. Nobody wants to dwell on the past. Nobody wants to brood about failures and mistakes. Nobody wants to feel unnecessary pain. Jumping into a rebound relationship is the perfect antidote to post-divorce and relationship angst. Sometimes its the only way to go. But if this becomes a life pattern, then it could signal some deeper issues.  And with time, this habit can lead one to make terrible mistakes in terms of the types of people one picks on in the rebound. Moreover, failure to take some alone time prevents one from growing as a person because there is no time to think and self-evaluate. It is very important to self-evaluate and self-assess and self-critique so that one does not repeat the same mistakes in future relationships.
It is a sign of emotional health and maturity to be able to be alone sometimes. Not too much. But a little bit at least. A woman should be able to go six months without having a man to validate her. Ditto for men. That validation that people like Jennifer seek from others must to some extent come from within. Getting to know oneself builds stronger character. It builds emotional IQ. It helps one to develop healthier, longer lasting relationships. It helps one to stop choosing the wrong people and mates to share one’s life. And at some point, it also goes to safeguarding one’s physical health as well. That cannot be overlooked.
If Jennifer Lopez was n’t in such a rush to have a rebound relationship, she would have seen off the bat that Casper Smart was totally inappropriate for her.  Ditto for Scarlett Johanssen who rebounded with Sean Penn; Jennifer Aniston  and Katy Perry who rebounded with John Mayer;  Mel Gibson who rebounded with Oksana; Halle Berry who rebounded with Gabriel Aubry, and so many other public figures.
Sometimes rebound relationships work out. Look at Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnilo; Gwyneth Paltrow and Cris Martin and Brad and Angelina. And sometimes, even if it doesn’t lead to life long marriage, rebound relationships are essential to keep one’s sanity. But it can’t be a pattern of behavior. It shouldn’t be a modus operandi every single time a relationship fails. Folks need to be able to spend time by themselves and not constantly have to have somebody else to lean and hide against and behind.
And this applies to celebs and non celebs.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/o5com/4926097908/sizes/m/in/photostream/