THE SELF CONFESSED SEX ADDICT: SHOULD YOU STAY OR DEMAND A DIVORCE?
Tori Spelling’s husband Dean McDermott was caught in a cheating scandal a few years ago. He quickly pleaded sex addiction and went off to rehab to mend his ways. In August 2014 Tori wrote on her website that she was “proud of her husband for working on his issues.” This noble act on Ms Spelling’s part inspired this post. Should a confessed sex addict cheater ever be granted a second chance? Or is their spouse better off cutting their losses and looking in other pastures for everlasting love? It seems there are really only two options in dealing with folks with this problem:
If there are kids involved, it might be tempting to stay and try to work on the relationship even if one’s spouse is a self-confessed sex addict cheater. To wit, Tori and Dean have 5 adorable and precious little kids (with the best celeb baby names in Hollywood save for North West). Clearly there is too much at stake for Tori to simply up sticks and take the kids. Plus she clearly needs him for the reality shows; he definitely adds a lot to her life and the story she conveys on the TV screen. A reality show about a single Tori might work but arguably it is infinitely more interesting with a man involved (just ask Bethenny Fränkel who once famously said “I am not stupid; I know this is about the husband and the kid). To be sure, Tori loves her husband and other similarly situated spouses sure do love their spouse in spite of this addiction problem. So depending on the gravity of the situation and how many relapses have occurred, maybe a second chance could be entertained.
2. Ask for a divorce
If there are no kids involved – and sometimes even if there are, a divorce is the only way forward. Halle Berry knew that when her second husband committed similar indiscrétions. She first tried to cope with the mess but then it was too much and she cut her losses and moved on to Nahla’s dad (of course that didn’t work out but at least he was not a self-confessed sex addict)and then she cut her losses a few more times. For similarly situated folks out there, leaving may be the only sensible thing to do.
The times in which we live definitely makes sex addiction particularly dangerous for the cheated on spouse. Because there is no telling how careful the addicted person is being with these other women (or men). Khloe Kardashian famously said “Lamar has been sloppy with other women.” And that speaks volumes. Because what does that mean and how does she know especially since no extra marital children were ever revealed? There are obviously other ways a spouse will know that their spouse has been “sloppy” outside of the marriage other than the presence or existence of children. And frankly in this day and age, this particular type of sloppiness” is just too grave a potential risk to life and limb to entertain second chances. So, out!
What are you going to do? Which way are you going to go? Only you can decide. Admittedly, this is hard.