Hollywood bombshell and trendsetting goopster Gwyneth Paltrow just let out a sigh of relief. That was CLOSE. People Magazine broke the news a couple of days ago but it just finally sunk in for the Oscar winning actress: Her husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, is safe. She has successfully wrenched him out of the hot, eager clutches of Hollywood sex siren and Hunger Games leading lady Jennifer Lawrence, and all without breaking one drop of pubic sweat. (What was going on behind the scènes shall remain private, of course but rest assured publicly, she was cool as a cucumber even though, clearly, this was war!).
Paltrow is obviously well schooled in the art of war: Rule one: “planning should be secret, attack should be swift.” Rule two: “be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent’s fate.” Rule three: “Take away the energy of the army by taking away the heart of the general.”
Her execution was sublime. She didn’t say a word, Ms Paltrow. Except: “He could do worse.” Notice the backhand, here? The use of the negative enforcement?
She was swift. She knew the longer it took to get rid of the interloper, the less likely it was that she could win. So she set to work to destroy it within 3 months, four months, tops. This is rule number four in the art of war: “take three months.” What did Gwennie do in this time? She entertained presidents, hired bigshots for her blog (which is becoming better and better), did classy commercials at the top of a hotel in Singapore for a top airline, celebrated a birthday (which was hosted by her husband), and declared (tongue in cheek) that what was in her panties still belonged to Chris Martin (See Goop.com). Meanwhile, she was a loving, nurturing mother; and a best girlfriend to her pals on Goop. Plus, she looked fabulous the whole time. Though she is 42, she showed how great she still looks by wearing appropriately sexy outfits – giving even twentysomethings like Lawrence a run for their money and making “youth” seem over-rated. Gotta luv it.
What did her opponent do to counter these moves? Zilch. Lawrence didn’t even have the foresight to realize that war had been declared. She was too busy dealing with the humiliation of leaked pornographics photos she had sent to her lover (not Chris, another guy) in the “clouds” that some #ick had posted on the Internet for the world to see.
And privately. oh la la. Gwyneth was mysterious, soundless and “formless.” (Again, consult the “art of war.”)
Chris, poor Chris, has been spinning like a tap for months, confused, giving nonsensical interviews but having no clue that his wife was taking him for the ride(s) of his life. And what joyous little timeouts these were! He scarcely could BELIEVE that this was the same woman he consciously uncoupled from in March. She drove him mental. She won his heart (and body) all over again, thereby de-energizing Lawrence to the point of rendering Lawrence impotent. Lawrence had no choice but to throw in the towel a couple of days back when, on top of it all, after a family dinner, Paltrow and Martin shared a tender public embrace.
So Gwennie’s won. She is rejoicing. But that was too darned close for comfort. Next time it won’t be such a cakewalk. She had better re-tighten her screws on her marriage and stop this dangerous “open marriage” experiment she agreed to. Or, she really might lose her husband for real and it is clear for everyone that this is the last thing she either needs or wants.