Why does it suck extra when it is the woman who has to pay alimony?
Below is an excerpt of a conversation we here at Divorce Saloon had about alimony. Do you agree or disagree that when it is the woman who has to pay alimony that it is worse or that it, excuse my french, “sucks more” than when it is the man who has to pay?
Bryan: The old double standard. Why else? Women want to have their cake and eat it too.
Brenda: I don’t think it’s that simple.
Lawyer X: Me neither. I think it is just how we are wired as human beings.
Bryan: What is that supposed to mean? How are we wired?
Brenda: Well, I think we are…conditioned and socialized to expect men to take care of us. It is manly. It is what a man is supposed to do. I mean, I don’t make the rules so don’t shoot the messenger.
Jeannie: here, here.
Bryan: Right but women like you and Lawyer X help to perpetuate these stereotypes and these double-standards.
Chrissie: I don’t that is a fair accusation; I think every woman in this room, if they are honest would admit that they would feel queasy if they were ordered to pay alimony to their husbands. Especially if its for a really long time. I mean, it does suck. Let’s be real.
Bryan: But y’all expect men to do it, right? You don’t think it sucks for us?
Marc: Right. I mean, I get what the ladies are saying but I have to side with Pauly here. It is this antiquated, you know–
Jeannie: I don’t think its antiquated at all. Don’t you expect your wives to still carry your babies? Why don’t you carry the baby then and get us out of this antiquated responsibility?
Bryan: Well I have news for you. A few guys have actually gotten pregnant in the news and happily carried the babies.
Chrissie: They were not real guys.
Lawyer X: I mean, look, I – I just can’t wrap my head around this notion of paying alimony to my husband! Something is wrong with this notion. And I am a perfectly modern woman. But I never was one who wanted a house-husband. I always believed that a real man –
Kate: I don’t have any problems with paying alimony, actually. I mean, if I had the money. Unfortunately I don’t have any money.
Brenda: My husband and I have a prenup and nobody will pay anybody alimony. But I don’t think he is the type of guy who would have wanted my money, anyway.
Jeannie: yea, he doesn’t seem like a gigolo type.
Bryan: Whoa! I’m actually stunned hearing that from you, Jeannie.
Jeannie: Well, let me clean that up a little bit.
Jeannie: What I mean, is that-
Bryan: I can’t wait to hear this.
Jeannie: Let me explain–
Bryan: That a man who gets alimony is nothing but a gigolo. That’s what you mean. Don’t try to clean it up now. Too late.
Jeannie. Jesus. It came out all wrong, ok? I am not a sexist and you know that, Bryan.
Bryan: I know that? How can I know that? You just got through saying that you are all for a man paying alimony but not for a woman because the man is some kind of gigolo. What do you call that?
Lawyer X: Order in the courtroom!
Bryan: Well you are just as bad as she is, Lawyer X.
Lawyer X: Hey. Watch it!
Bryan: Well it’s true or not?
Jeannie: I am just being honest. You know. I think that…men and women are different. They are just basically, fundamentally different. We are wired how we are wired. I think most women would agree and if it is sexist then blame it on our biology and our social conditioning. I think most women today still prefer for their husbands to make more money and to be, sort of, you know, the head of the home.
Kate: The head of the home?! Whaaat? I don’t think that way.
Jeannie: Well you are a twenty-something generation and it is a little bit different but normally –
Bryan: Normally ya’all old heifers don’t want to pay your share of the alimony.
Lawyer X: Bryan, that’s it. you’re fired!
Jeannie: Yea, Bryan. Get out.
Brenda: I third that motion. Out Bryan!
Chrissie: Yea, Bryan. You’re horrible. Out!
Read Jeannie’s 2009 post about alimony. It’s a classic.