On the Jobless, Aimless Husband

Hi, my name is Kate and I am a new contributor to Divorce Saloon. My role is not yet carved out but we are thinking of having me to a type of advice column like the one Carolyn Hax does for the Washington Post. I am not so sure it’s a good idea but Lawyer X, the Editor in Chief of the blog, thinks I would be “brilliant” for that role.

Anyways, I am not now nor have I ever been married and have never been divorced. I am recently out of college and I am in my twenties and enjoying dating around, being a single girl around town and having fun. But I am getting to the point where I am starting to think about marriage and the type of guy I want to marry when I “grow up.”

So when I read this I cringed. It took me by surprise because I believe in equality for the genders and things like that and I don’t have these traditional ideas about men and women that some of my colleagues have. At the same time,¬† this idea of having a “jobless” and “aimless” husband made me more than just a little bit itchy.

I want an equal. I want somebody who is going to go out there and bring home the bacon just like I am going to be bringing home the bacon. We were talking about alimony just today in one of our teleconferences and one of my colleagues, or a couple of them, who are women, felt that it “sucks” more when women have to pay alimony. I felt like I wouldn’t care about that, that I would happily pay alimony if the situation warranted that.

But I found this article about the aimless and jobless husband very off-putting at the same time. So what does this mean? Am I just a hypocrite?

On the one hand, I don’t think I would mind making more money than my husband; and, I guess, being the “main breadwinner.” But I definitely don’t want to be the only breadwinner. I don’t want a guy who sits at home and expects me to work and bring home the bread. I think this could lead to trouble in our marriage and relationship.

What do you think about this for you folks, especially women, who are married in heterosexual relationships. Is your husband gainfully employed? And if he is not, are you the main breadwinner? And if so, how do you feel about that? Does it affect your respect for him? Do you think his joblessness and aimlessness could lead you two to divorce?