Dating after divorce can be intimidating for women over 40
For women of a certain age, getting divorced and then finding new love and partners is hard. They are completely shell-shocked by the whole experience and have no idea how to get their groove back – especially if they have been out of the dating scene for upwards of ten years, which is a common phenomenon.
There are a couple of things to consider:
1. Making the old you the new you. For many women, once they get married, they get comfortable and stop taking care of themselves. They happily grow plump and gray-haired. They grow a stomach and let their boobs sag. They let their faces become all crow-footed with lines that could connect far-flung continents. These women are the same women who used to be hot, hot, hot and who their husbands liked to show off when they were young.
Are you such a woman?
How can you make the old you the new you? Easy. Just decide. Get your old wardrobe out of the closet and redo your hair the way it was a decade or more ago when you were considered hot. Take off the mommy baggies and stop carting around the grandma handbag. Get a youthful fragrance to become your new signature and get your teeth whitened immediately. And yes, find a manicurist and get your fingers done. It is very important that if you want to feel young, you have to look young and if you want to feel like the old you, you have to bring yourself back to who she was. Believe it or not, she is still inside underneath all this gook you allowed to become her new cover. So get rid of this oldness and get your old self back and new up yourself before you even begin to solicit new dating partners.
2. The other thing to do is toss off the old relationship. Let it go. It’s over and nobody wants to sit there and listen to everything that was wonderful or horrible about the person you used to be married to. If it matters so much to you, then maybe you should have stayed with that person and not waste the new person’s time. It makes you look and sound stale when you are locked in the past and the person listening to it is bored because they can’t relate to your past life. It has nothing to do with the present. Get over it and do not start dating other people till you really have gotten over it.
3. The other thing is to think about your mindset. These days, dating is very different from the old days. Everybody is multi-dating and it can be a real challenge to figure out who is even worth your precious time or who is just playing games with your emotions but have no serious intentions and never will have such intentions towards you. The key is first of all to understand that multi-dating, at least initially, is de rigueur. And so you have to be flexible and you have to be able to get in there and roll. But don’t let yourself get into ridiculous situations. It is imperative that you have standards and limits and goals otherwise if you get trapped in this multi-dating trap, you will never develop the kind of intimacy and seriousness that leads to a new, meaningful relationship – if that is your goal. So you are going to have to weed up people who are just wasting your time.
But you have to know when and how. You have to be willing to give it a little time. A few months at least, to see if it is going anywhere. But certainly after a reasonable period of time – a few months I should say – if your date(s) is still talking about their exploits with other people, you should move on. Do not feel that you have to accept this “multi-dating” thing forever.
4. Another thing to consider is that this new generation of daters are huge into online dating. There is no shame in it and most people find dates this way nowadays so get used to it. If you are so old that you don’t even have a computer you may have to change that if you want to meet new people. There are a bunch of dating websites out there to pick from (exercise necessary caution when necessary of course) and they include:
These are hardly an exhaustive list of possibilities. You have to do your research. You can also join or form meetup groups based on your interest in order to meet new people.
5. Finally, you have to think about and plan for the moment when you will have to “take your clothes off” for the new person. Are you nude-ready? Can you flatten anything a little bit? Like your tummy? Doing 100 sit ups a day won’t kill you, by the way. Walking half an hour each day is good for your health. Riding your bike will harden hour thighs. Lifting a 5 pound dumbell will quickly tone your arms. Fifty leg lifts do wonders for your butt. The thing is, you are not going to necessarily look like Jennifer Lawrence in the buff but do you have to look like a glorified nightmare? No. And if you have the financial means, consider cosmetic help if necessary. Tuck up the boobs and suction out stuff if it will make you look and feel better.