On Getting Your Post-Divorce Bikini Body Back: A 10 Minute Daily NUDE workout

I’m a fat, twenty-something Asian chick who has never married – just as a disclaimer – so I know that I should not be giving anybody advice on getting their bikini body back after a divorce. But I just saw some photos of Sasha Obama in Miami wearing a bikini and I just thought “Wow. Nice boobs!” And I got inspired.

Little perky-boobed Sasha Obama got me to thinking about this issue of wearing a bikini when you have recently divorced, in front of the new guy, and I guess it could be stressful no matter what age you are if you are not skinny like Kate and Lottie Moss with perky boobs like teenaged Sasha. Just as another disclaimer, I don’t let my body issues get in the way of my sexiness. My boyfriend thinks I’m hot and he likes my curves and he doesn’t care if I lose weight. It is me who would like to be a little bit thinner. I am definitely not the norm as far as my weight. What about you? Especially if you are recently divorced?

For my new years resolution this year, I vowed to get into tip top shape. I have started a morning routine which requires working out naked. Don’t laugh. It’s true. I got the idea from one of my colleagues here at DS. The nude workout. She swears it works and she looks great so I have to take her word for it.

I think this workout could be adapted to recent divorcées who only have 10 minutes a pop to do a workout at home. I personally think its a delicous treat to self in the morning and when I stick with it (I confess I don’t always) I see good results.

Here is what you need:

  1. Your naked body
  2. Three-pound dumbells
  3. A stationary bike
  4. A yoga mat
  5. A stepper

NOW FOR THE ROUTINE:

1. Start with your face

Like on the mat and point your head up towards the ceiling. You are naked. Fill your cheeks with air. Playfully gyrate your face like a monkey. Count to ten and release all the air. Repeat 10 times.

2. For your stomach

  • First, still lying on the mat suck in your stomach and hold for a count of ten. relax. Repeat 10 times.
  • Second, bend your knees at a slightly more than 90 degree angle. Do 10 crunches, moving your upper body up off the mat towards your knees and then extend past your knees as if you are reaching for something in front of you. Repeat this as many times as possible (with 100 repeats being the goal.)

3. For your boobs

  • Use the dumbbells. Stand with both hands at your side. Raise both arms up over your head then lower in front of you at 90 degree angle. Hold. Repeat 10 times.
  • Set the dumbells aside. Clasp your hands and bring them to your face, touching your nose. Separate your arms at the elbows. Press your elbows back together slowly and with maximum resistance. Repeat 30 times.
  • Get back on the floor. Do 10 pushups.

4. For your bum

  • While lying on your stomach, squeeze in and hold your bum for a count of ten. Release. Repeat 10 times.
  • Lift your upper body off the mat and tilt your head back so you are looking at the ceiling. Squeeze your butt. Hold. Repeat 10 times.
  • Raise yourself up in a leg lift position on the mat. Do 50 leg lifts on both legs. Squeeze your bum tight. Hold each lift for about 5 seconds. Repeat as many as possible.

5. For your legs

  • Stand on the mat and stoop to the floor while holding the dumbells. Raise yourself back to your feet and repeat. Stoop, raise up, stoop raise up. All while holding the dumbells. Start with 10 and work up to 20.
  • Next, get on the stationary bike and peddle as hard as you can for 5 minutes, then stop.
  • Next, get on your stepper and step 100 times. Keep your body as tight as possible.

The end. Now you are gorgeous. Keep doing this for 6 months and you will be the hottest woman at the pool and the new guy and the old guy will start a duel over you. Guaranteed.