On using divorce threats to keep your spouse in line

Are you getting threatened with divorce every time you have a little slip up?

I hate it when my boyfriend threatens to break up with me if I don’t do anything. Lately, he has said that a few times and I am not sure how to deal with it. I was talking to my colleagues about it and one of the older ladies said I should not tolerate these types of threats. She said he is just using it to keep me in line just like a lot of people use threats of divorce to keep their spouses in line.

This is not right, I think. To threaten someone that if you don’t lose weight I am going to divorce you or if you don’t get a job I am going to break up with you. Or, who knows? My boyfriend thinks I nag sometimes and he says if I keep it up he is going to break up with me. Why do men always accuse women of nagging? I don’t think I nag.

Do you feel like your spouse is using threats of divorce to keep you under control? And if so, why do you put up with it? Why don’t you tell him to take a hike and just call his bluff? Is it about money? Or maybe he is good in bed and you don’t want to lose that? Or maybe you put up with it because you have kids? But this makes a person a little bit neurotic, I think, when someone keeps threatening to divorce them for all sorts of ridiculous things.

I think the next time my boyfriend makes that threat, I will turn the tables on him and call his bluff. I will say, “you know what? I am done being threatened by you. This relationship is over.”

Is this too extreme? And of course, I am single with nothing to lose really if I dumped this guy or if he dumps me. But probably it is not so simple when you are married to someone who uses divorce to keep you in line. I think it’s horrible to do that. It’s so wrong.