Being Single May Be Exactly What Your Married Self Needs Right Now

So you are married and miserable. You are thinking about divorce but the thought of being “single” sounds like contracting a dreaded disease. Surely being in an unhealthy, unhappy, unfulfilling marriage is better than being single and all by yourself with nobody to be miserable with. Right?

It depends.

For some people, being single just is not an option. They cannot cope in a world where they are responsible for themselves and for their own happiness and self esteem. They find it unimaginable to dine at a restaurant or café without a mate. Travel solo? Are you crazy? Live in an apartment alone where they are responsible for all the bills, cleaning and maintenance?

You must be on drugs.

For some people any relationship is better than no relationship.

But being single is not all its cracked up to be. It can be a fulfilling, joyful and stress-free existence. It can be peaceful, wonderfully predictable and unpredictable at the same time. It can be a chance for self-discovery, self-acceptance and personal growth.

And it can be fun. There are so many things you can do alone, and one of those things is actually grooming yourself to find the right person you want to spend your life with. The right person for you may take some study and analysis (and time! Sometimes years!) and it is hard to do that when you are caught up being miserable, and wasting your energies on the wrong relationship.

Being single also gives you a sense of absolute freedom that you can never feel while married. You are free to pick up and go where you want and do what you want without having to have consensus from anybody. Sometimes, this allows you to achieve more of your personal goals because you don’t have a nagger, naysayer or kill joy telling you “no” all the time. Instead, you can just chart your own course and go for it, blissfully unaware of your limitations since nobody is there to remind you of them all the time.

Sometimes being single is the only way to heal the hurt and pain of past wrongs that continue to influence your relationships in a negative way. When you jump from one relationship to the next, without giving yourself time to heal, you just keep repeating the same mistakes – including the type of partners you are picking (which causes you to end up divorced or with multiple failed relationships.)

Not only that but being single also allows you to break the cycle of dependence that grips so many people – especially women who may feel that without a partner they are unable to survive financially, emotionally or even sexually. In fact, knowing that you can survive on your own and that you are enough on your own is one of the fundamental life lessons anyone can learn, and should learn, before they couple up.

Instead of thinking of being single as some kind of dreaded affliction, think of it as the most wonderful opportunity life could present you to get to know yourself and often, to live your best most self-actualized life.