In a marriage from hell but don't want to get divorced for the sake of the kids?

Some people claim they are staying married for the sake of the kids. In other words, were there no kids, they would get a divorce from their current spouse but because they have kids with this person, they will continue to tough out the bad marriage.

Is this a good thing? I am not sure. The conventional wisdom seems to be that the kids, most of them, about 80 percent in one study, would prefer their warring, unhappy parents to just get a divorce already rather than stay married on their account.

Staying married for the kids when you are otherwise miserable and want a divorce is in effect making your kids the heavy and it puts a burden on the kids because you are making this big, horrible sacrifice for them. Meanwhile, everybody is miserable.

But it this just a pretext? Are you really staying for the kids or are you staying for you? Does the thought of divorce outweigh the horror of being single and you just as rather tough it out for any number of selfish reasons but then you just use the kids as your excuse?

If you are, then the bad news is, it probably won’t last very long. Eventually you will have to face your own truth or your spouse will face it for you and ask you for a divorce.

That is not to suggest that the minute you have a difficulty in your marriage you run off and get divorced so that your kids will be happy that you and your spouse are not fighting all the time. Some fights are worth it. Some marriages are worth fighting for – for its own sake; not because of the kids.

I think this notion of staying married for the kids is a little bit disingenuous and it is equally ridiculous.

On the other hand, I am anti-divorce as a general rule.

So go figure.