What are the techniques for reducing divorce stress?
Divorce is stressful. I think most people would agree. And often, managing divorce stress can be a challenge. Many divorcing people seem to lack the techniques required for minimizing their divorce stress. But does it have to be as bad as it is for a lot of people? Years ago, I wrote this post about how being organized helps to reduce divorce stress. I still believe that today.
But are there other considerations, other than being organized, for reducing divorce stress? Well, stress management techniques that apply in other contexts also apply when you are getting divorced. For example, it is important to have a support mechanism – a group, a friend, or activity that you can fall back on – which keeps you calm and grounded during the most turbulent moments of your life.
But a lot of the problem is within yourself. It is you who has to manage yourself and your reaction to things and your expectations of people – including of yourself – in order to effectively control your divorce stress. Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission. Reprimand yourself when necessary but praise yourself too. Don’t try to deny that this situation is challenging. Instead, admit it and ride the wave rather than try to fight the wave.
A big aspect of riding the wave is learning how to forgive yourself and your spouse. I mean, hey, you got married, and guess what? It did not last forever. So what? It does not make you a bad person. It does not make you a failure. It does not make you a monster. You are not the devil. Neither is your spouse. It is not that dramatic at all. This habit of pointing fingers at each other and holding on to the negative stuff is part of what makes your insides churn like that. Let it go. Don’t do this to yourself. Forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive your spouse and let it go. This will minimize your divorce stress (both internal and external triggers) and improve your state of mind
Choose your reactions carefully. You want to “live a life of design not a life of reaction” and this also applies to your divorce. You have to design your divorce and your response to it. But if you fail to properly design, at least you can control how you respond. Your response to things is a choice whether conscious or unconscious. You must be more conscious and aware that each time you feel “stressed” it is a choice that you are making. Choose calm.
Music is a great, calming medicine, btw. It can be a panacea for so many things. Find quiet moments where you can just listen to the right music that gets you into a calm, stress free frame of mind….jazz…classical music…Kanye West?….maybe listening to Kanye West will help you to reduce your divorce stress.