“I don’t like when my husband yells and screams at me,” declared my girlfriend Maud over caffé. “It is terrifying. I always think he is going to snap and hit me!”
I could not agree more. Do you ever feel like this? Do you live with or are married to a man who handles life’s ups and downs by raising his voice and just going nuclear for whatever reasons he chooses? Does it ever make you afraid for your physical safety?
The thing is, I think it is not a big deal if he does this once in a while but in my experience, some men don’t seem to know how to communicate without making a lot of noise. There is a theory that this goes back to caveman days. It is his inner caveman coming out and he just fucking thinks yelling is his primal, natural right (and responsibility). And his alone. Because a yelling, ranting, raving wife is just not something most men are going to tolerate but they expect that their yelling, ranting and raving should be tolerated as some type of normative behavior.
Maybe it was in the old days when his voice was all he had to keep his family save from intruders, interlopers, rapists and thieves. But now that he no longer has to deal with these types of threats in such a primitive way, what does he do? He turns his voice on his womenfolk.
Normally, modern males use their voice as a tool of intimidation, sanction and silencing, I think. If he yells, rants, screams and rages, you won’t be able to get a word in edge wise. You will have to shut up and let him talk for fear that, yes, he will turn violent or fear that if you reciprocate the whole thing will just swing totally out of control.
So yellers are shutter-uppers, essentially. It is the way they shut up the opponent who happens, often, to be their spouse. It is a form of man-handling.
How much of this can you take or are you supposed to take before it all gets to be too much? Just the other day I had to say to my own husband “your constant yelling, ranting and raving is having a negative impact on our relationship. Please stop.”
I did not threaten divorce. But believe you me, on this one issue alone, I have thought many times that it might be better just to end it.