This is Jennifer Garner’s Divorce Diary. Anyone who finds it is asked to return it to my agent…
Well, they are all reading the headlines about Jennifer Garner’s Divorce from Ben Affleck, as we speak . I officially filed for divorce yesterday, me and Ben. We did it together. We planned it and we wrote it together and we synchronized it and we really did it after all. We filed for divorce. Took us two whole years to get there to that place of finality and we really tried you know we did to see if there was anything we could do to make things work out between us.
I really feel satisfied that I tried EVERYTHING. But in the end it was futile. And so…forget everything I just said here. I feel very sad. Even though it was Amicable and Ben is being such a gentleman about it and the kids all know that they have the both of us as their parents forever and we love those kids more than anything. We will be co-parents together forever. But still, I lost my partner, my husband. And it is very sad. No matter how amicably you do this and you part with all this love and understanding and friendship but it is so very sad.
In a way it feels like a death. Will I ever find another husband? Will I get married a third time?
This was my second divorce and I really worry dear Diary that its me. This was Jennifer Garner’s divorce. Not Ben Affleck’s. That I am the one who sucks at this. Ben was never married before me. I was married and I should have been a pro at this and we have these three kids and still I could not make it work and I worry that maybe I am just not cut out for marriage and maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me. The thing is, Ben’s drinking was so destructive to us, you know? It really just destroyed us and the fabric of our very existence. I began to despise my own husband at some points in that marriage. It is a terrible thing when you are looking at someone you are supposed to love and you just find them despicable in that moment. And you feel self-loathing because of this. Like its my fault that he is doing this to himself and to us.
Is it that he just wasn’t happy with me? Did I not make him happy? Was I not enough? Sometimes there is this feeling of inadequacy that threatens to overwhelm me if I let it. I won’t let it but it tries to well up in me and I doubt myself a little bit, you know? But I do know that I am enough. I AM ENOUGH. I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I just came to tell you that its over. I filed the papers. Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s divorce is now official. We didn’t even hire lawyers. We are doing this ourselves. Ben and I are even going to hash out the money ourselves. He promises he will give me something that is fair. I trust him completely.