What does your husband's latest car purchase say about the state of your marriage? Are you heading for divorce?

Your husband’s latest car purchase could signal that he is cheating or dissatisfied with your marriage

On Your husband’s latest car purchase: Beware the husband who goes out and purchases a “fast” car.

To begin the discussion of what your husband’s latest car purchase means for your marriage, I will tell you a story: When I was fairly young, too young to know any better, I arrived home from a carnival on the back of my friend Sonia’s cousin Mello’s motorcycle. It’s a long story and there was a reason that I felt I had no choice but to accept both their generosity and to get on the back of that thing with a man I did not know, and without a helmet, since there was no other way for me to get home.

Turns out, luckily for me, Mello was a perfect gentleman and he was also very competent with his motorcycle skills and so I lived to talk about it and got home with everything in tact. But that could have ended differently, I realize in retrospect and I remember when I made my dramatic arrival, (and I mean, I was very young, maybe fifteen at most) clutching on for dear life to this man’s waist, I’m like completely smashed up against his back, you know, and so  my grandmother was on her porch and she gave me the look and I knew I was in for it, big time. And to paraphrase her dialect, she said to me, “beware of men with fast cars.” And I retorted, “mama, that was not a car; it’s a motorcycle.” (Cause I was so smart!)

But I never forgot what she said. It turns out that mama is a VERY wise woman and everything she’s ever told me came to fruition. These days, one of the quickest ways to get me to be wary of a guy is the type of car he drives. Yes, I confess. I judge a man on his car. I’ve found that men with fast cars are usually bad news (very much unlike Mello). I don’t know what it is. But there is a connection between the type of car a man drives and the way he treats a woman and his commitment to a relationship. IMHO.

But let’s say you married this guy and he had a sensible car, like, oh, a Volvo or something and then, years later, he gets up and wants to buy a  sports car or some showy named car or a flashy colored car? Like what? Oh, I don’t know…..um…..I’m ignorant about cars but I know a showy car when I see it…..like a…..a red Mercedes McLaren, or something like that. (pic is not a McLaren, I don’t think)

What does that mean for your marriage? I think it could be trouble, frankly.  That screams “midlife crisis” and usually that is gonna be trouble for a woman and for the marriage. It means he’s trying to impress someone and typically, that someone isn’t you because if it were, the last thing he’d get is a fast moving  car. He’d keep driving his Volvo. You see, the truth of the matter is, some men use cars to make up for a deficient phallus. At least, that’s what one of my friends always says. She says a man with a flashy car is using that thing to seduce a shallow, gullible woman and it usually means he doesn’t have a heck of a lot going on in the nether regions. 🙂  The car is usually the most impressive part of his anatomy, actually, she tells me; and it cracks me up. We usually laugh with abandon. Because it’s so true. It is so true. My friend would say, “that car is your orgasm, hugs, kisses and tender strokes,”  and we’d just fall apart. Completely.

But seriously. If your husband suddenly gets the flash, rest assured there is some shallow, gullible woman (or man) that he’s trying to impress. And that means you could be in for some trouble. What can you do to stop this from turning into a divorce a few months down the road? Well, resist the urge to go out and get breast implants. Although, that could certainly distract him a bit. What can you do? I don’t know. As I said, this is usually trouble….maybe you can find a toyboy with a motorcycle? 🙂 No, seriously. I think if this situation has arisen, it’s time to think about marriage counseling and heart to hearts about the relationship. Or divorce could be the denouement of your once happy marriage and I am sure you don’t want that. If your usually conservative husband decides he’s getting a flashy and fast car, girlfriend, its time to get your marriage some professional help.

Now, the guy who insists on driving the jalopy is a whole other problem too. That’s another post. But definitely, you want to watch any situation where your normally conservative and reserved husband decides he wants a fast, flashy car.

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Originally published March 26th, 2011