Best Tips for Successful & Effective Co-parenting After Divorce
The best tips for successful and effective co-parenting after divorce can be debated. But basically, it all boils down to the same idea: successful & effective co-parenting is as hard as you let it become or as easy as you choose to make it. Boom. That is as easy as I can state it. Co-parenting does take two to tango. One parent cannot “successfully” and “effectively” co-parent by themselves. The “co” part of the parenting is the give away. “Co” implies “two.”
In 20 Co-parenting Tips for Divorced and Separated Parents I outlined 20 different tips for successful and effective co-parenting. This post is just an add on and expansion to and of that post.
So the first tip for successful co-parenting is always use a “co” approach. This is not a solo endeavour. This is a “co” endeavour.
The second tip for successful co-parenting is don’t use your children as tools of combat. There could be all this residual vitriol between the two of you but just refuse to use the kids as your tool of combat and you will be 25 percent of the way there to effective and successful co-parenting.
Third tip for successful co-parenting is to actually enjoy and appreciate the fact that the kids have another parent other than you. When the kids are with mom or with dad, be grateful that they have you both. Be happy for them that they are not orphans (they easily could be) and say a silent prayer of gratitude on their behalf.
Fourth tip is go to family counseling as a family. Counseling is a very useful and effective way to manage familial challenges. Not everybody likes the idea of getting mental help or emotional help and not everybody even respects the work of mental health professionals. But mental hygiene is very important to sustain a family after divorce and especially when you are trying to co-parent children.
Fifth successful co-parenting tip is: Put yourself in the other parent’s shoes. This is the next tip for successful co-parenting. If you do, you will stop being so judgmental and stop pointing fingers and finding fault with everything the other parent does. You have to put down the other parent’s parenting in order to elevate yourself. Instead, put yourself in their shoes and try to even help the other parent facilitate their time with the kids.
Sixth tip for successful and effective co-parenting: Do not use the children as post-marital shrinks and/or denigrate the other parent in front of the children as this will cause the children to lose respect for the other parent and potentially will alienate the children’s affection from the other parent. Even when your situation calls for a parallel parenting approach (when there is less direct communication between the parents) you are still “co-parents” and to be successful and effective you have to not use your children in a negative way to denigrate the other parent.
The last tip for successful co-parenting is actively encourage and nurture a healthy, respectful relationship between your ex and the children. If the children are ever expressing negative sentiments, remind them “this is your father.” or “This is your mother.” Do not encourage the children to disrespect their other parent. Instead, encourage them to be respectful, tolerant and loving towards the other parent. If you are having trouble with that, take your inspiration from this list of celebrities who are doing a fantastic job of being co-parents.