What to do when the client comes to your office with a gun

What to do when your client comes to your office with a gun


So, what do you do when the client comes to the office with a gun? Well, first, obviously, you’re probably going to crap on yourself. That’s to be expected. Who wouldn’t crap on themselves if a client bursts in with a revolver? Especially one that is loaded and pointed at you.

That kind of drama when your client comes to your office with a gun used to be something I heard on TV. But more and more, I hear crazy stories and as a divorce professional, I have to tell you, I am getting increasingly worried and nervous about my compadres. This time last year, if you asked me, I would tell you unequivocally that I am anti-guns.

Now, where I am now, they all think that New York is the wild, wild west and that folks are walking around with their guns drawn. They think New York is a totally unsafe place. They even think that a huge amount of the crimes being committed in their city is due to people who migrated from New York. Which is hilarious. Because the stuff that happens where I am now? In 30 years I’ve never heard of that stuff happening in New York. I mean, never.

The topper for me was when they apprehended this guy for breaking and entering, and during his arrest, he was wearing a tee-shirt that said, “I do my own stunts.” Can you believe this? So what if one of these wise guys does a stunt and comes to your office with a gun?
This is when you know you’re in a different kind of place. And this is where I began to have a totally different regard for the second amendment.

Now, what does that mean? What the hell am I saying? Am I saying that when the client comes toting a gun you should pull out your own gun? No, of course not. I don’t even want to think about it. But I’ll tell this other story:

Last week at 5 a.m. my burglar alarm went off. I was home alone and the only thing I had to protect myself was the panic button that the alarm company gave us the security plan we had. I stood at the top of the stairs in the darkened house pressing the button like a madwoman. All the button does it alerts the police to tell them that, potentially, we were having a problem. But it took the police nearly a half hour to get to the home. I couldn’t even crawl under the bed because all the beds in the house are too low to accommodate someone of my girth. ¬†Luckily, it was a false alarm (seemingly!) and I’m still alive. But the whole thing made me realize what a sitting duck I am for a lot of crazy, lawless people who, where I am right now, do a lot of wild, off the wall things. And what the eff will a panic button do for me at a time like that? And that is where the unthinkable popped into my head. I found myself not only understanding FINALLY why it is so imperative to have a Second Amendment in the country, but I also found myself thinking……omg I have to say it……….. I found myself thinking that I needed to get a permit to get a gun! Because that is the kind of world we are living in at the moment. And folks do stuff like break into your home or come to your office with a gun.

And what can you do in a situation like that if all that is on your desk is a Rolodex and stapling machine? Certainly, you can’t’ stop a client from coming to your office with a gun. But if you have your own gun, there at least exists the possibility that you can do SOMETHING to protect yourself other than press panic buttons and throw stapling machines and get under your desk and call on God.

Because you better believe it. More and more people are acting violently towards divorce lawyers and divorce professionals. It’s an epidemic that has yet to peak. I’m just saying this to say, don’t be caught off guard. But always act within the law to protect yourself and if that means pulling out your own gun? Well, look, a woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do. All I can say is thank God for Charleton Heston. I used to feel compassion for him when he held up his gun and said, “from my cold, dead hands!” He seemed so misguided, so lost, so, almost, evil.

Now, I understand. Now, I get it. There are places in this country where you just absolutely need it. Even at the office. Maybe especially there.

So, what am I saying? Should lawyers start to pack heat at their offices? Well, I know one thing for sure: I am seriously thinking about it. I’m the biggest pacifist in the world, but I think we live in a time when packing heat is the only intelligent option (with a permit, of course). And I am seriously weighing my options….. I am a leftie, too, so you know I”m going to be channeling Angeline Jolie with that bad boy. Because every place is not New York.

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