DIVORCE S.O.S: 8 PEOPLE YOU NEED BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER DIVORCE
Your DIVORCE SOS Crew: Who are the People You Need on Speed Dial When Getting Divorced?
Divorce SOS: Save our souls! Who will “save your soul” when you are getting divorced? Who are the people you will need to help you cope and make the right decisions? When it is time to send out your own personal Morse code, below is a list of eight people you ought to consider putting on your quick dial:
Your true best friend(s)
Your Divorce S.O.S. crew will definitely include your best friend. This could be anybody, including a parent or family member. This person is going to listen to you, advice you and just be there to support you no matter what you decide to do about your marriage as it flounders.
Now, a lot of people will swear up and down that they are your “best friend” but you will only know who your true best friend is in bad weather. Only true friends stick around when the weather is not so fair. Ever heard the expression “fair weather friends”? The last thing you need are fair weather friends when your marriage is in crisis and you are trying to figure out whether to divorce or not.
Be careful. This is also a very sensitive time and taking the wrong advice from well meaning friends and family could be detrimental. Sometimes, even your best friends could be biased in this situation and cannot give you objective advice.
2. A Therapist or Mental Health Service Provider
Your divorce S.O.S. crew, especially in the “before” stage should probably include a therapist of some sort to help you sort out all your emotions and make a decision that is based in reason, fact and logic. The good thing about these professionals is that they are typical “objective” in a way that your best friends or family members cannot reasonably be. So you need to seek out these people in addition to your best friend to really make an informed decision.
3. Your Religious leader
Before you decide on pulling the plug on your marriage, you may want to talk with your clergy member first. This is especially true if you subscribe to an organized religious faith and are a regular attendee in your religious community. Your religious leader definitely should be part of your divorce S.O.S. crew.
Catholics especially can have a tough time with divorce only because of the Church’s teachings about the evils of divorce and because, frankly, the Catholic Church is anti divorce. So, if you are Catholic, it is possible and normal to feel conflicted about this as you struggle with your marriage and it might help to discuss your misgivings with your priest.
People of other religious faiths can also have qualms or religious impediment to divorce.
Discussing these concerns with a religious leader can help you achieve clarity.
4. A PR Representative or Crisis Manager
If you are someone in the public eye, you may need a crisis manager or PR rep to handle all your press releases. So a PR rep or crisis manager definitely should be included on your Divorce SOS shortlist. Obviously, if you are not a newsworthy person or in the public eye, no need to waste money hiring one of these professionals as it would not make sense in your case. At least, not as far as the PR rep goes. Depending on your specific situation, though, a crisis manager could make sense even if you are not famous.
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Your Divorce lawyer
Your divorce lawyer is going to be a key player in your divorce process and unless you are doing your divorce yourself, you will need your divorce lawyer as part of your Divorce S.O.S. crew. Whatever you do, you need to be sure you have selected the right divorce lawyer. The right lawyer depends on your own unique of circumstances. Do you have kids and need a lawyer who is an expert in handling custody matters? Do you have a difficult prenuptial agreement and need a lawyer who can get it thrown out? Are you a high net worth individual or married to a high networth individual? Are you a father who needs a “Father’s rights specialist?” Are you a mother claiming domestic violence abuse and need a lawyer who can handle a domestic violence case competently and with a high degree of sensitivity? All of these factors will impact which lawyer you need and which lawyer is best for you.
2. Your banker
You have to pay for divorce and you need money to do it so your divorce S.O.S. crew will include somebody who can help you fund this period of time in your life. So whether it is going to be the Bank of Mom and Dad, or a traditional banker or loan shark, you are going to have to acquaint yourself with this person. Don’t misunderstand. If you are affluent or your spouse is, fairly quickly during the divorce process the court can grant interim spousal & child support while the divorce is pending in a pendente lite court order. But due to all sorts of different possible reasons, you may need financing while the divorce is pending and you will need somebody who can give you money.
3. Your True Best Friend(s)
1. Image Consultant
Your post divorce S.O.S. crew should probably include an image consultant. This person will help you revamp your life, wardrobe, career and love life, among other things. They will help you to take a new look at yourself and the possibilities for your life that you are not seeing because of all the stress and distraction of your divorce. A good image consultant can save your life after divorce, in fact, and you should not neglect to seek one out if you have the means to do so.
2. Life Coach (or therapist)
Your divorce S.O.S. crew could also include a life coach in addition to an image consultant. This person can help you steer your life, (your ship, if you will) towards the right direction after divorce. They can help you with your thinking. It is nice to fix the external stuff and that is why you need the image consultant. But what is going on in your head? Is whatever it is helping or hurting you? What future do you see for yourself? How do you get there from here? A life coach could help you sort it all out.
3. Your true best friends