6 ways that your love of cheese could lead to divorce


love of cheese
Could your love of cheese end your marriage?

Could your love of cheese lead to divorce? Is there a correlation between the consumption of cheese and the rate of divorce? I know in Maine a study was done on the correlation between the consumption of margarine and the rate of divorce in the state. But as a cheese lover, I have been wondering about cheese. Could your love of cheese lead to divorce quite seriously?

I imagine it could. Here are six scenarios:

  1. Let’s say you love to take your cottage cheese and put it on top of your pancake. This habit grosses out your spouse beyond all rational understanding. But you continue to do it on a daily basis. Eventually, what have you got left? An utterly grossed out spouse who correlates and associates you to cottage cheese on top of a pancake – a totally gross habit in their view. Do you think your marriage will last?
  2. Let’s say that you are lactose intolerant and cheese makes you, ahem, fart. And these gastro-nuclear bombs smell really bad. You are constantly surrounded by a cloud of fart odor. Even in bed. Could this lead to divorce? I’m thinking it might.
  3. Let’s say you are not lactose intolerant but you love cheese so much that you eat Mac & Cheese dinners on a regular basis and frankly, you overindulge. And now you are getting fat. Do you think this could lead to divorce? I’m thinking it could.
  4. Or, let’s say that maybe your nightly habit of champagne and cheese is turning you into a lush and you are not exactly a “happy” drunk…?
  5. Let’s say you and your spouse always buy your cheese at a particular cheese shop for decades. All of a sudden, you go there one day and the cheese shop is gone. Inside what used to be a beautifully laid out French-style cheese shop, is utter pandemonium: dust, ladders, paint cans, big old pieces of coarse cotton fabric, topsy turvy chairs and other furniture, etc. It is a big, unexpected change. Totally bewildering and disorienting. You look at each other and suddenly feel like it is a metaphor for your relationship. Could this affect your marriage?
  6. Let’s say you fancy yourself a cheese connoisseur. But where cheese is concerned, your spouse is an utter idiot who could care less. You keep going on and on about the merits of cheese and your spouse keeps yawning and yawning. You suddenly realize that you and your spouse have very different interests and very little in common. Could this affect your marriage?

As I said, I am a cheese lover. But I do think that where cheese is concerned, one ought to be careful about how, where, when, and how much one consumes it in order to avoid creating problems in your marriage.

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